If I've Heard It Once, I've Heard It A Thousand Times

And I heard it all weekend long.

"Hey, you'd look good with one of those."

Really? My ovaries had no idea. Talk to me again in 5 years.

(But really, my niece is cuter than your niece.)

Plank Position Is A Bitch (And Other Things I've Learned From Jillian Michaels)

Fifteen days ago I became a Shred Head (here's proof). In other words, I've let Jillian Michaels, a trainer from The Biggest Loser, tell me what to do for the past 2 weeks+.

I decided to tackle the "30 Day Shred" for a few reasons: its 'lose up to 20 lbs.' tagline, the fact that I will be taking a beach vacation and wearing a bikini in the beginning of May, and because I have seen many other bloggers have success (with pictures to prove it!) on this program.

I am officially halfway through and sadly have little to show for it. I took measurements and pictures on day 3. I've lost about 2 pounds and a few tenths of an inch around the thighs and waist. I'm not discouraged yet, but I am beginning to wonder why I haven't had the results that others have had so far.

I do notice that my endurance has greatly improved (although, I started Level 2 a few days ago and am still struggling to keep up). I've developed visible muscles in my arms and have moved on from the "girlie" push-ups. And surprisingly, I actually look forward to working out every day. So, definitely improvement.

A few phrases that make me want to punch Jillian Michaels in the face:

• Get down in plank position.
• There is no modified version of this move, I have 400 lb. people that can do jumping jacks.
• Just think about going jean shopping.
• Give me a couple more.

If Jillian isn't the devil, I am going to be so screwed in hell.

Since I started the shred, I have been trying to eat healthier in addition to working out every day. I have increased the protein and fiber in my diet, have cut back on carbs and eat vegetables like they're going out of style. I never thought I'd become a drinker of protein shakes that's for sure. For anyone that drinks them, what brand/flavor do you buy? I started with a vanilla whey powder, but the strong smell was a huge aversion. A friend of mine told me to switch to the soy powder to help with the smell. He was right it doesn't have the bad aroma, but he failed to mention it tastes like chalk! I know it's important to increase the protein in your diet when you are exercising regularly, but I'm not sure where to go from here. Suggestions? Any other advice about diet/meal plans?

And to my fellow shred heads: am I expecting too much at this point in the program?

I Wish I Could Bottle That Sound

I heard a laugh today that reminded me so much of someone I care about, I couldn't help but giggle. It was the gut-wrenching, you totally crack me up kind of laugh. I've never been able to laugh like that. When I find something truly hilarious, I normally am unable to breathe or let out any noise at all. (Huh, oddly enough that doesn't just happen with really good humor.*)

I wasn't around to hear what was so funny, I only heard the vocal repercussion. But that one laugh reminded me of a chance. Of a debate. Of a realization. Of a parking lot. I love how certain sounds and smells are able to take us back to a single moment. I've written about it before, but it never ceases to amaze me.

I hope I get to hear that laugh for a long time to come.

What have you been reminded of lately?


*Yes, that does mean what you think it means.

On Sports & My Future Husband

It's no secret, I'm not much of a sports fan. Sure, I enjoy a live game every once in awhile, but only in really good company, with someone that isn't afraid to talk during the game, at a venue where I can order a beer and a soft pretzel with cheese.

I'm not one of those girls that doesn't understand sports, however. I know why a football team might attempt a two-point conversion, that a hockey game has 3 periods and a foul bunt attempt when the batter has 2 strikes is a strikeout. But sports just don't interest me enough to watch them on television IN MY SPARE TIME. Come on, shows like How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory are on Monday nights. Do you think I'd rather watch Monday Night football?

Living in a city that bleeds scarlet and gray (i.e. college football), I am confronted with the sports topic quite often. Usually I create a diversion because I don't want to be stoned to death for not being a die-hard Ohio State fan. In fact, I don't even have a "favorite" sports team.

Why? Because I have a theory.

When I meet the man I'm going to marry, I've decided I will adopt his favorite team(s) as my own. Once we're married and I know I'm going to be watching sports, at least on occasion, I might as well root for the team(s) that he likes, right? Why add something else to the list of things to potentially fight about since we all know he probably won't take out the garbage or put down the toilet seat?

This doesn't mean I'd compromise anything fundamental about myself to appease a man, but when it comes to sports I'm pretty neutral. It would be an easy compromise on my part and isn't that what marriage is all about? Compromise and getting involved in each other's interests?

Besides, knowing my luck, my future husband is a Wolverine (OSU's biggest rival for those that don't know). What a waste of time it would be to start backing the Buckeyes now...

For those of you that are married or in a relationship, do you and your significant other like the same teams? My fellow single ladies, what do you think of my theory? And for the guys that read this, I'm sure you'll tell me your opinion any way :)

I'm A Believer Once Again

I'm well past the days of believing in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny. (I may also be responsible for the non-belief of all of the above for my brother, because as the older/wiser sibling I figured it out first.) Mom, dad, nice try.

Werewolves, the Loch Ness Monster, the Abominable Snowman, Big Foot, UFOs. Never crossed my mind that their existence was even a possibility.

I've given up on Fate. That what is meant to be, will be if you just let things run their course.

Screw that.

I like to be in control. And when I can't be in control, I want to know someone else is up to bat for me. That there is someone on my side, hoping that I don't strike out in the game of love (or life for that matter). Enter, Cupid. You may have heard of him? Greek god, resides on Mt. Olympus, throws a mean bow and arrow? (The TV Cupid even does a great cover of the Beatles' All You Need is Love.)

Love at first sight doesn't exist? "Poppycock, that is mortal talk." This guy takes love by the horns. I can definitely get behind that.

Any fellow believers? Or do you all think I should lock this belief up along with the puppy I never got for Christmas?

Regenerate.

Getting lots of sleep, canceling plans with friends and a general lackluster are all things I've been experiencing as of late. It started with a really bad cold a few weeks ago so I canceled plans 2 nights in a row. But once I was feeling up to par, I found myself continuing to cancel plans for things I normally look forward to during the week. Then I slept until noon on a Saturday when I didn't have plans until the evening. And again today. Generally, all things out of character for me.

I described all of this to my therapist tonight and she smiled at me and said, "Every once in awhile, people need time to regenerate." She went on to tell me that wanting time alone to process my thoughts outside of friends is normal. Sometimes the need to feel socially "on" is overwhelming and a little me time is well-deserved. Suddenly, I felt less guilty about it. It wasn't that these things were bothering me because I thought something was wrong, I was worried because I was liking them too much.

I vowed to make more time for me. Because what's a better time then now when I'm single? Things I am putting on my list of things to do just for me:

• Complete Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred
  
• Buy my new MacBook and start my freelancing website
  
• Rent the Twilight movie again
  
• Read Jodi Picoult's new book
  
• Get another massage and pedicure
  
• Organize my shoes in my closet
  
• Break out the journal again
  
• Learn one new recipe
  
• Buy a new dress that I look and feel fabulous in

I can't wait.

To Delete Or Not To Delete, That Is The Question

I bet the creators of Facebook didn't realize their social networking site would be the cause of unnecessary drama in their members' lives. Take for example, the relationship status notifications. Did they think about what havoc they would reek when "Josie Turner is now single" showed up in her ex-boyfriend's news feed? Did they think about Josie a year from then when she signs in only to see the recently posted wedding photos of said ex-boyfriend tagged by every mutual friend in attendance?

Facebook: Increasing America's suicide rate one news feed at a time.

Well, in one day I have dealt with more Facebook drama of my own than I ever thought possible. First, I was deleted as a Facebook friend. It happens to all of us. I myself have even hit that little x removing "friends". You know the ones: that girl from high school who barely spoke two words to you, the guy you casually dated but will never be your BFF, and the girl you used to work with but haven't spoken to since you quit six years ago. But this time was a little bit different. It was someone I had a past with. Someone I was close to for several years. Someone I noticed deleted me.

Then, I get an email from a friend of mine asking me to delete her ex-boyfriend as a friend. Dilemma. I met them at the same time, together at a friend's party last fall. I would consider them both friends of mine. I see her more often because she comes to our girls' nights out on occasion. I haven't heard much about their reasons for breaking up, as it only happened recently. But I do know they've had their problems and this wasn't an out of the blue decision. The more I think about it, maybe it is closure for her. Cleansing him out of her life, and the lives of her friends. I suppose if that happened to me I would pose the question, "Where MY girls at?" (yes, that was a throwback to the 702 song).

And just this evening I saw a picture that made my stomach turn. An arm around a shoulder. Two smiles. Faces touching. Pure torture. Facebook, sometimes I hate you.

What immature problems I'm having. I swear, I'm 26.

My Newest Crush

My heart broke a little when I heard that Vince Vaughn, my celebrity crush, recently got engaged. I pouted, tweeted about it... then last night, I moved on.



Jason Segel? Delicious.

You could say my crush started back a year ago when I was obsessively renting seasons of the television show How I Met Your Mother from Blockbuster Online. I'm surprised an error message didn't pop-up, "Dude, you have exceeded the rental limit for this series. Get a life." But my heart belonged to Vince.

Well, that all changed. Last night I saw I Love You, Man. A new movie starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. First of all, I laughed so hard my sides still hurt hours later and humor is definitely one of the pathways to my heart. You know, right after cheesecake and foot massages.

Secondly, he just seems like one of those celebrities that would be awesome in real life. Down-to-earth, laugh at your jokes, play Guitar Hero with you. Know what I mean?

And then there's the hair.



*sigh*

The Proof Is In The Pudding

I swear Peter, it was me*.



If you didn't see my Twitter sneak peek, here is my full St. Patty's Day get-up. And boy did we have a blast!

Did you drink green beer this year?

*and yes, I'm actually Irish

We Are Just Breakable Girls & Boys

Ingrid Michaelson (well her music) makes me think about how fragile we really are when putting our hearts out on the line for another person. Nothing is protecting us from the sting of rejection. Heart, meet sleeve.

The more our heart is broken, does it become less fragile? Are we put back together so many times that when dropped we no longer shatter?

I used to believe the more my heart experienced dating (love, loss and the like), the tougher it became. Almost like I was putting it through rejection boot-camp. Now I'm certain that it is just as fragile as it was at 15 when my first crush rejected me.

Yes, I have moved on from lost loves. Many times. But do we ever fully move on? Is there a little piece of our heart that is left behind after the rest of it has been put back together again?

A billboard on a highway...
A song on the radio...
The hint of cologne on a crowded elevator...

...brings you back. Even if only for a second, you can feel it. Your heart isn't completely whole.

We are fragile. Just breakable girls and boys.

Say What You Need To Say

No matter how busy I keep myself, how many friends I surround myself with, lately I feel like there's something missing. I can't shake the feeling, but I don't quite know how to fix it either.

I have met some amazing people this summer. Friends I know will stick around for quite awhile. They fill my nights with social functions, volleyball, dinners, happy hours, parties. My smiles in our photographs aren't fake. Rather, fleeting.

I'm turning down guys for absurd reasons; i.e. he's too young (25), too tall (6'3") and the latest (he hasn't dated enough). My friends are convinced they're excuses. That I don't want to date.

Maybe they're right. But I'm honestly not sure.

Have you ever felt lost? Not unhappy, just unsure what path you're supposed to take next. Right now I'm at a fork in the road, just staring straight ahead.

And I wish I could jump on a plane, look down and see which path has the happier ending...

We're Talking Mortifying Here Folks

When you are just getting to know someone, you go through the standard "getting to know you" questions: favorite food, type of music, #1 fear, etc. The question that would always leave me stumped was "What is your most embarrassing moment?". Nothing flat-out mortifying had ever really happened to me... until yesterday.

I was picking up flyers for a freelance job on my way to work. I paid the cashier, lifted the heavy cardboard box and carried it to my car. From there I drove to the parking garage where I unloaded the box, my ridiculously large work tote and headed to work. Up two flights of stairs, crossing a street, walking through the first floor of a mall, finally winding up at the lobby of my office building and getting on the elevator. I see my reflection in the elevator doors as I get on...

My pencil skirt had split up the back right above the slit... I unintentionally flashed America (and probably a co-worker or two).

There are some skirts that you just can't bend in to pick up a large cardboard box and apparently I was wearing one of them. How I didn't notice? I have no idea. But I quickly remedied the situation by standing against the back wall of the elevator, practically running out when I reached my floor (avoiding people at all costs), grabbing a sweater from my co-worker's desk who luckily wasn't in yet, tying it around my waist, and driving back home to change.

Looking on the bright side: 1.) At least I had on cute panties; 2.) You could barely see them, it was mostly all leg; 3.) Further proof to Each that I have a booty.

Horribly embarrassing? Yes. But I sure am laughing about it now!

Care to share an embarrassing moment of your own? I swear I'll laugh with you, not at you.

I Am A Proud Community Organizer

I rarely stand on my soapbox, but I feel that right now I need to. So, listen if you will.

At our weekly $1 margarita Monday outing, options for Halloween costumes were discussed. My top pick right now is to dress as Sarah Palin. I said so.

[Sidenote: I plan on putting a spin on the costume carrying an "I am a Proud Community Organizer" sign and sporting a Barack Obama pin. Along with some other twists, but you'll have to wait and see.]

Not once but TWICE did someone ask me "Who is Sarah Palin?"

Seriously?! Only one of two people running for Vice President of our COUNTRY. Now, my group of friends is rather diverse. Different ages, races, both men and women. Educated, smart, well-spoken people. I was stunned.

I rarely discuss politics with friends. In fact, my best friend and I were in the beginnings of a heated discussion when her husband stepped in. I don't want to have to argue or possibly ruin a friendship over differing political views.

BUT I will say this: It is SO IMPORTANT TO VOTE. Know who's running. KNOW THE FACTS (don't always believe what you see in commercials). If you can't follow all of the issues, choose a few close to your heart and find out where each candidate stands.

Our country is in need of a leader, one who will make changes to our dwindling economy. This election will effect every American's life. Democrat or Republican. Man or woman. EVERYONE. So please vote and let your voice be heard. And don't give me "My one vote isn't going to make a difference." Because you know what? There are thousands of people saying that. And all of those votes really COULD make or break this election.

So, are you registered? If you are, do you know if you're registered under the right address? Please make sure that you can participate in the election! (Find your state's deadline here)

Vote for change. Obama for America.


....Just sayin'. /soapbox rant

On a lighter note, any other Halloween costume ideas?

The Douche Pickle Discussion

When girls get together to gossip there are no holds barred. Pretty much anything is up for discussion. Guys, you've probably heard about this and it's one thing that is 100% true (and yes, we do talk about size). We might also bring up your third nipple, Transformers tattoo, how you had something in between your teeth at dinner, that you use the word 'pumpkin' or 'schnookums', that you were clung to us like a dryer sheet by the fifth date, and everything else you hoped stayed a secret. It's just what girls do.

But lately, in my circle of friends, the conversation always winds up about douche pickles. Since we have so much fun talking about them, I thought I'd share the terminology with you.

Generally speaking, a douche pickle (or DP) is a guy who acts a fool. But this can be broken down into different categories. There are guys who act a fool because of you. This type of DP makes a fool of himself because he is really into you. Then there are guys who act a fool repeatedly because they are just not good guys. This type of DP is more deceptive and if you're not careful can wind up making a fool out of you.

I seem to have more of a problem with the deceptive DPs. The ones who charm you, get to know you, and only when they have you completely convinced that they're a good guy, you are hit with DP behavior. I know DPs are never boyfriend material, but a lot of times they're too cute to resist.

Examples of DP behavior that have happened to me and/or friends of mine recently:

• keeping you secret from friends/family
• only hanging out on your side of town
• having a 'girlfriend'
• 4-5 days without any sort of communication and no clear explanation why
• picking you up for dinner, paying and then specifically not using the word "date"
• calling you on Thursday night to make plans for the weekend and expecting you to be free
• making comments about your guy friends
• criticizing the way you wear your hair, decorate your apartment or organize your shoes
• not calling 'the day after'

I could go on, but I think you're getting the picture. Now you know when to properly use the phrase and can have as much fun as we do saying the words 'douche pickle'!

Girls, do you and your girlfriends use any other fun phrases when talking about guys?

Guys, don't be offended, I know you're not all DPs ;)


"And then I said to that DP..."

A Sign?

I come back to blogging after over a month of quiet. Ready to write my heart out. And then? We are hit with the remnants of Hurricane Ike and I have been without power at home since 4 p.m. on Sunday. Are the powers that be trying to tell me something?

I am beginning to wonder.

Well, screw them. No power, air-dried hair, and stubbed toes from running into walls in the dark will not keep me from blogging.

Other signs lately? A proposition from a married man in need of a mistress.

I wish I was kidding.

I thought I was ready for a committed relationship. You know, exclusive. Using the term boyfriend and girlfriend. Giggling, cuddling, and obnoxious PDA galore. I finally snagged someone who wanted that too. And all of a sudden I changed my mind. Committed? Who, me? Ready to stop dating anyone else? Wait, does that mean the volleyball hotties are off limits? Ready to trust a guy and know that I won't get hurt again (restating sign from earlier: a married man hitting on me WHILE WEARING HIS WEDDING RING)?

That last one? You got me. I'm not ready in the slightest.

Maybe I'm having too much fun?
Quite possibly.

Maybe I like having options?
Hell, yes. There are a few things I'm not willing to give up just yet.

But more importantly, I don't trust anyone. Yeah, thanks for screwing that one up. This may take awhile.

Don't Worry, I'm Not Dead

So a month came and went with no posts. I sat down in front of the computer one day and all of a sudden, I FORGOT HOW TO BLOG. No I swear. Too much time had passed and I felt like it would have to be this super dramatic explanation as to why I had disappeared for so long.

I pondered a few scenarios that would be interesting: I met this fantastically hot lawyer, fell madly in love and eloped in Ireland planning never to return to the States again; I won the lottery and have been spending all of my time shopping for new shoes and handbags and with all the guys who now want me for my money, I have a date every night; or my friends set me up to be on the next episode of the Bachelorette and I've been spending all of my time writing lists of the qualities I want in a man so FOX knows what 25 guys to pick for me.

The truth? LIFE. Simple as that.

While I wish I had won the lottery, met the man of my dreams, or something equally exciting, nothing of the sort has happened. My social calendar definitely exploded there for awhile. I was playing volleyball once a week, getting together for happy hours with friends (including Margarita Mondays), riding my bike, planning canoe trips, watching one of my best friends get married, spending quality time with my family, and of course the oh-so-familiar "D" word. Dating. Lots and lots of dating. I'm still really busy. In fact this week I have gotten home after 9 every night. Sometimes I feel like I never STOP AND BREATHE.

But you know what? I missed you guys. And I'm back.

Anyone still with me or did you all hit 'unsubscribe' after the month long hiatus? And for those of you reading, what the hell have you all been up to?!!

I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song

From my last post (and part 2 that is coming soon), you've probably gathered I've had to break off a few "relationships" lately. Some of you have asked me (after seeing certain Facebook status messages) to share my methods.

Last fall, when I was single for the first time in a long time, I had absolutely NO clue how to end things appropriately with someone I was just casually dating. I've since had some practice and have a few guidelines that I follow, appropriate or not... I'm sure you'll tell me (especially the few male readers I have).

1. The Fade Away: This is when you completely stop responding to all communication, hoping the guy will eventually get the hint that you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship anymore. It's not the nicest thing to do, but if there is no emotional connection it's sometimes the easiest.
   
   My rule of thumb: I only do this with guys I've had one date with. It has the potential to severely backfire otherwise.
   
   
2. The Text Message: I believe this is an acceptable way to end things with someone you've had only a few dates with, and also have used text messaging as a means of communication with before. If he sends you a message about getting together again sometime, the Fade-Away would be pretty rude considering you've been out more than once, which is normally perceived as being interested. So, the polite thing to do is to let him know that you aren't feeling it anymore. It can be tricky because you're normally limited to 160 characters. Keep it short, simple and to the point.
   
   My drafted response: I'm not really feeling a spark between us that should be there at this point. I hope you understand. Take care.
   
   
3. The E-Mail: I find this to be the best approach when you find you get nervous or can't say what you really mean when face-to-face. Or, when you know you wouldn't be able to go through with it if you saw them in person again.
   
   Courtesy of my IBFF:
   
   Dear ______,
   
   I wanted to thank you again for the __(insert date location and activity here)___ the other night. It has been great getting to know you these past few (weeks, hours, days - pick one.) I do, however, feel that our connection is more of a friendship than a romance. Perhaps I am being presumptuous, and you may have felt that way too? Either way, thank you again, and I wish you the best.
   
   Sincerely,
   ________
   
   
4. In Person: Yes, if you've been seriously dating and have an emotional connection with them, it is the right thing to do to break-up face-to-face. Do you really want to be perceived as a cold, heartless bitch?

Have anything to add? Share your methods in the comments if you want.


Disclaimer: If the guy has been a complete and total asshole, there is no need to follow any of the above guidelines. In fact, knee him right in the family jewels. That should send the message loud and clear. (Only kidding!) ... ;)

And So Are The Days Of My Life :: A Dating Update, As Promised, Part One

Many of my friends would describe my life right now as a soap opera. In other words, filled with drama. You know what I think? I have a lot of great stories to keep them entertained. What can I say, I like to think positively.

So you guys want to be filled in now don't you? We shall call this stage in my life "dating post-RollerCoaster-ex Round Two".

I don't know about you guys, but after a break up I tend to be a creature of habit. Calling someone I've dated before, feel comfortable enough to hang out with again. This time around it was FF. Do you remember him? Well, I reconnected with him shortly after my break-up. Even now, I find us sending texts back and forth every couple days. It's just a fun, flirty "relationship" that will never go anywhere. But it makes you feel good just to know someone thinks you're attractive. Especially after someone else just kicked your ass to the curb.

About a month went by before I was actually ready to start dating again. "Ready" might not be the right word, but that's what I'm going with. I went on a few first dates that crashed and burned. But they actually helped me get back on my feet and realize that I was ready to find someone I clicked with.

And that I did. On a first date with a rather adorable landscaper paramedic firefighter (yes-he-has-3-jobs) guy. We had plans for dinner. Conversation flowed rather well. I was really attracted to him (I could tell because I wouldn't shut up). When the check came he suggested a movie. I agreed. We ended up seeing one and getting in a round of mini-golf beforehand. It was a lot of fun. Effortless, really. I have never felt that comfortable with someone that quickly. When he put his hand on the small of my back or wrapped his arm around my waist, it felt... nice. A kiss ended the night and date #2 followed a few days later. Date #3 the following week and so on. He made time for me despite his busy schedule and I could tell he was really into me.

However, this guy I had such a nice connection with turned into The Critic. When visiting my place he criticized the color of my walls, the weeds growing around my patio, the (small) shoe pile by my back door, etc. Suddenly, it seemed like he didn't have anything nice to say. Phrases such as "I really like you" "Good morning beautiful" and "Do you miss me yet?" vanished into thin air. When you're dating someone new shouldn't the adorable I'm-trying-to-impress-you stage last a little longer than a few weeks? Thank god I read my dating manual, He's Just Not That Into You, and was able to call a spade a spade. There's nothing I can't stand more than a flake.

I really wish that great chemistry was a good enough reason to stick it out a little longer. Especially since you're always worried you'll never have that feeling again with someone new, so when you do, it's very reassuring. But you need something else to fall back on after over a month of (even casually) dating. After being so badly (i.e. recently) hurt by Roller Coaster ex, I was not willing to put my heart out on the line again for someone whose intentions I didn't fully trust. So I ended it before I went down the same path again.

I should have known after FF to never trust a man in uniform, but tell me, how can one resist?! If a guy ever tells me he's a firefighter again, I am going to have to politely excuse myself from the conversation. Why do they have to be so damn adorable?!


So, that is Part One of my recap but stay tuned! You definitely want to hear about the worst kisser in the history of the world...

My Idea Of A Perfect Week

How beautiful is THAT forecast?

Also:
Another date :)
Volleyball night
Happy hour with a few friends
So You Think You Can Dance with Anna
And a visit from my future roomie!

A more detailed update on life soon :)

What do you guys have planned this week? Anything fun I should add to my list? ;)

And The Winner Was...

#2!



And I think it went over rather well...

Thanks guys!