Wednesday, October 15, 2008

We Are Just Breakable Girls & Boys

Ingrid Michaelson (well her music) makes me think about how fragile we really are when putting our hearts out on the line for another person. Nothing is protecting us from the sting of rejection. Heart, meet sleeve.

The more our heart is broken, does it become less fragile? Are we put back together so many times that when dropped we no longer shatter?

I used to believe the more my heart experienced dating (love, loss and the like), the tougher it became. Almost like I was putting it through rejection boot-camp. Now I'm certain that it is just as fragile as it was at 15 when my first crush rejected me.

Yes, I have moved on from lost loves. Many times. But do we ever fully move on? Is there a little piece of our heart that is left behind after the rest of it has been put back together again?

A billboard on a highway...
A song on the radio...
The hint of cologne on a crowded elevator...

...brings you back. Even if only for a second, you can feel it. Your heart isn't completely whole.

We are fragile. Just breakable girls and boys.

46 comments:

ANG* said...

well put.
and i love that song...

courtney said...

beautiful post, michelle. seriously lovely.

i heart ingrid.

bodelou said...

i love ingrid. her songs remind me of my diary during the relationship that has thus far defined my life. during and after i suppose.

i think once you give in to the ways of your heart you never fully get all of it back. somewhere its stuck on someone, and it sucks when that person doesnt see it that way.

orangemagoric said...

beautifully put.

i feel like part of your heart stays with the ones you loved. when you invest that much time and love in another person, it's pretty much impossible to make a clean break. like you said, any little thing can bring back that pang... can prove that you may be just a little broken still.

and i love ingrid as well. her music is a constant in my car.

Single said...

We do become less fragile each time. Those little things we feel from time to time aren't the same as the overwhelming, unbearable pain at the beginning of the break up. Every time, that part of the pain becomes easier. For me, ever since the loss of one person, I know I can handle anything fine and even though I hurt, I still know it's not as bad as it could be.

Katyn said...

i think you and i are in the exact same position right now. the whole issue of having moved on, but feeling punched in the gut when something reminds you of that person or seeing them in the bar. you feel weak yet strong at the same time.

tanysia. said...

no doubt about it; once shattered your heart will always remember every crack

rachel said...

This is a good point. In fact I would argue the opposite. The more men/people you invest in, even if it's only a few dates or a few weeks and a short relationship, I have always believed you give up a little bit of yourself to that person.... a little piece of your heart. Which is why I was always wary to invest in new relationshihps, and when I see friends/family in one that I have a gut instinct won't work out, I encourage them to end it sooner rather than later.

Where you are at... i don't want to see your heart given to anyone else. I would guard it and be careful - I"m not saying be afraid to love, but your heart is important, and if you don't protect it, who will?

Love you.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I think I go through phases. Sometimes I'm stronger, sometimes my past effects my present.

But I think you are right. No matter how "over" someone we are, we leave a piece behind. Or really, they leave a piece with us because I am constantly thinking about a few boys I dated ten plus years ago that I'll never fully let go of.

Annie said...

I'm totally in love, head over heels, yet I can still get knocked to the ground, once in a blue moon, when something out of the blue reminds me of an ex. Every relationship you start you want to have it work and so when it doesn't, it's painful. Even years after the fact.

Rachel said...

I don't think we become less fragile. I think the more you try to steel yourself -- try to use your mind to trick your heart that you're completely "over" something, the more it can feel like a punch in the stomach when a tiny little thing brings back old feelings.

Katelin said...

so very true. ingrid sings it well.

Jess said...

I think as we grow up we start dealing with heartbreak differently and it can make us feel like we are stronger. But that doesn't necessarily make it easier.

AMANDA said...

Hearts are fragile things, forever and ever no matter what.

amanda rae said...

i don't think we become less fragile. i've dated people for a few months that sucked just as much as a guy i dated for a year. i guess it all depends on your relationship. and there will always be that one person you never truly move on from. love is a tricky thing.

just me said...

Don't think we ever get over heartbreak. Not fully.

Which is something to embrace.

We're 98% water or something, right? Always fluid.

Me said...

I love your blog, and because of that I'm tagging you. Check out my page to see what happens next.

Libby said...

my heart just contracted (constricted? oh i don't know!) a little. love ingrid.

PrincessB said...

I just realized you're back! Yay!

I understand this as well. I try and think that I get tougher each time, but I don't. I trust less and hurt a little more. And I do believe I leave a piece of me with each and every person I loved. Sometimes it's a chunk actually.

Hope C-bus is good! I kind of miss the hype around football!

Andréa said...

That is so funny you say that b/c I was just in hte mall and my high school BF used to wear Abercrombie cologne and there was teh store with that strong cologne and I just laughed to myself. I think a little piece of yourself is left with each person you loved. I don't think you could learn if you didn't feel that twinge of why that past relationship didn't work out. does that make sense? I have been trying to crawl with a 6 month old all day :)

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I think we stay fragile in the deepest realm of our heart...it's what makes us human...

pinksundrops said...

Yesterday I had a fleeting moment of seeing one of those types of reminders and was able to totally separate myself from the feeling of the memory. It was awesome.

Maybe that means someday we do get the pieces back.

Starlet aka Minutestar said...

I love the song breakable.

I think that it's a blessing that our heart is the way it is. Otherwise, we won't be able to feel that over the top and intoxicating happiness anymore if we were to only feel anything that strong when we first fell in love. (Does that make sense? huhu)

What i'm trying to say is our heart is meant to feel everything with the same intensity over and over again (regardless it's a good or bad feeling).

Love your post, as usual!

brookem said...

i hear you. i get this.

also... seeing ingrid next week and i cant wait!

MrsTwink said...

So true! I'm even MARRIED and there are songs or just random things that remind me of exes.

Dash said...

why would you want to move on? Every crushing blow makes you who you are...

Valley Girl said...

In that 2nd paragraph you had a Carrie Bradshaw moment there! I could totally hear her voice while typing that question into her Mac, lol.

TC said...

Well said.

I think that once we give our hearts away, a small part of it will always be owned by someone else. There is no getting it back 100%.

<33 J. said...

that is so. freakin. true.

girljordyn said...

I love this post. So much. So true... we are just breakable boys and girls.
Some of us more breakable than others. ie. me.

OhMyHeart said...

Ah, smell is definitely the strongest memory-trigger-er for me.

The one thing I am most afraid of, going through my current breakup, is that in two years, I will be in the exact same place:

Totally broken over Boy 3, and totally having forgotten why I was obsessed with Boy 2. Boo.

Miss. said...

Ingrid is lovely. I know exactly what you mean.
Nice blog you have here :)

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

I think it hurts just as much, we just have more scars to show for our experiences.

Sara said...

Love Ingrid!

Teresa said...

Just stumbled across your blog by way of 20something. I don't think we ever fully move on — I think we give away little pieces of our hearts each time, like you said....

Jodi said...

Even though I divorced my husband 2 years ago after I I still am not fully over him, not yet at least.

I even sold the diamond engagement ring he gave me to www.idonowidont.com to move on but there are days when I still miss him so much.

Femme Star said...

What a cool blog I've stumbled on. By the way, I love your condo too (from the pics you posted-don't want you thinking I'm a crazy). Anyways, great site!

Michelle Chin said...

Hello Michelle. :)

This is another Michelle from another part of the world.

The New Black said...

I heart Ingrid Michaelson...I am so into her right now.

tyt said...
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Kyla Bea said...

So beautifully put. I definitely think we take pieces of people with us - and that's both good and bad.

milf said...
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Sandcastle Dreams said...

Sadly I am starting to think that the more our hearts break the easier it is to happen the next time and the harder to heal! Were is my concrete protected heart?! Now that's something I would buy.

might I add...? said...

Hey Michelle,

Are you still around? Haven't heard a peep from you in ages....

Just checking in. Hope everything's just too interesting to be blogging, OK?

moto said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
scuzie said...

I love this. I love this. I love this!