Remedies For Heartache

A bakesale...


A new scent...


A new pair of shoes...


And best of all, a new 'do!



Still pondering yesterday's post. Don't worry - I'll let you guys know what I decide.

To Blog Or Not To Blog?

That is the question.

How Shakespeare of me, right?

Anyway, I know I've been hiding lately. Not because I want to. More so, because I don't know what to do in regards to this particular blog. I don't want to delete it. Erasing what happened is not an option. The good times were really good times and I don't want to forget them.

But I know that from this point on if I write anything on here I will be holding something back. Something I don't want him to know. Things I don't want him to know I'm feeling. Because if he wants to know, he can ask me. Loving and caring about someone takes effort. It shouldn't be dished out for all to see.

This blog has been an outlet for me for over a year and I hate to lose my URL and header that I love, but what choice do I have? I want to tell you guys about what's going on in my life. I hate that I haven't been able to do that.

So what do you guys think I should do?

1. Start a new blog. One that is completely anonymous. Make this blog private so only I can view the archives when I want to.
   
2. Keep writing on this one, but don't reveal too much.
   
3. Start a new blog and maybe write on this one once in awhile with updates.
   
4. Stop blogging all together.

And would you all still stick around if I moved?

What a hassle all of this is.

Should I Give Up, Or Should I Just Keep Chasing Pavements?

I never thought it would get here. Chasing someone that doesn't recognize I'm worth it. Doesn't respond to me or my feelings.



I think I'm giving up. Chasing pavements tends to give me skinned knees.

(thanks Each, this video is beautiful as is the song)

What Kind Of Gone?

Is it the kind of gone where (s)he's at her mom's, coolin' down (s)he'll come around?
Or the kind that says you've had your chance and (s)he ain't comin' back?

Don't know when/if I'll be back, but I wanted to let you all know. Thanks to the few of you who connected with me, knowing something was up. I really appreciate it. This time, I just can't get by. I've done this to myself.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Someday I'll learn.

Straight To My Thighs

But, OH MY GOD, when you open the bag the smell is spot on.

Michelle v. The Spawn Of Satan

My hate/hate relationship with the spawn of Satan (AKA the snooze button) has been documented before. It's no secret that every morning I see that damn alarm clock perched on my nightstand I want to smash it to pieces.

Today it was set for 6:15. And because I like to try to trick myself into thinking it's later than it is to in some way make myself leap out of bed when the alarm goes off, the clock is set 10 minutes fast. What time did I wake up? 7:00 (actually 6:50). UGH. I don't even remember hitting snooze. Not once. I swear the alarm clock is out to get me. It wants me to have flat, limp hair (that at least smells good) and wear an outfit that I threw together in about 5 minutes. Lunch today? Too bad, you'll have to get takeout.

Then there are days when I am completely aware of the buzzing, but justify hitting snooze anyway:

One day I wanted curly hair because I was going out later that night.
"Oh, I'll have time to curl it when I get home from work with the rollers."
Hit snooze.

Another day I had an outfit picked out that required ironing.
"Oh, I'll just throw on one of my suits instead."
Hit snooze.

"Thank god I took a shower last night."
Hit snooze. Multiple times.

Noticing a pattern? I am the queen of excuses just for another 10 minutes of sleep! I don't know why I torture myself because when I go back to sleep after my alarm goes off, when I wake up the second (or third or fourth) time I usually feel even more tired than before. And on top of that I tend to dream the most vivid, often violent dreams during those brief minutes of extra sleep. Normally, I never remember my dreams.

So, not only am I yawning on the way to work, without a packed lunch, sportin' hair that is so flat it looks like I ironed it, I am replaying my car crashing into a brick wall and exploding in fire over and over in my head.

Those are the days I turn on a little Jack Johnson, pop the sunroof and remember that my beloved car is doin' just fine. And so am I.

Sidenote: How classic was that last elevator scene on Grey's Anatomy last night? McDreamy, McSteamy, Meredith, Addison and the new girl. I was laughing my ass off. "Don't you wish you would've taken the stairs?"

In Need Of A Dr. Phil Stand In

Guys I am enlisting your help. The worrying I mentioned in my last post? Maybe I wasn't as forthcoming as I should have been. It's gotten out of control. Yes, you all comforted me by saying "it's a girl thing". And while I believe that is true, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm over the top.

Mostly I worry about the future. I hate not knowing where my life is headed and I've been feeling like I'm in a sort of limbo lately. I like my job, I love my boyfriend, I have great family and friends. The here and now is good but I can't seem to focus on living in the now.

Your twenties are such a weird time because it's a transition period. You graduate college and enter the "real world". Often times experiencing your first real job, first time living on your own, first serious relationship, etc. That's a lot to deal with at once. And at the same time you're also dreaming of what's to come. The time in your life where you get to settle down with the person you love and start a life together.

I was just talking last night with a friend of mine about engagements. She's been dating her boyfriend for six years and they're finally getting married this year (possibly in Vegas!). While it's all very exciting now, she was telling me it was hard for her to wait that long. Really hard. Seeing other girls she works with walking around with rings on their fingers made her want more. (We also discussed the kicker - when you see a rather unattractive girl with an engagement ring and think to yourself, "If she is engaged, what is wrong with me?")

Me? I don't want to get married right now, but I want to know that's where my life is headed. The problem is you can never really know. The fact that I'm a control freak doesn't help either. There are certain things in my life I can control, but the future isn't one of them. I want answers to unanswerable questions. I'm afraid I'm always going to want more and I don't know how to overcome that.

But dammit I'm going to try.

Any advice? I could really use it ;)