Wednesday, October 17, 2007

What's Your Beef Wednesday :: The Men Suck Edition

Just last week I started the What's Your Beef Wednesday tradition and already I have a list a mile long. But guess what - this week it's all about men. Why they suck and why I hate them. Well, you know ... for now. (It's sad that not many guys will actually read this isn't it? Feel free to send the link to all those jerks who broke your heart.)

And please, share your own beefs with guys in the comments... you know the drill!

  • Conversation. Do you know how to hold one? You know, talk about your feelings? Because bottling them up sure doesn't help the situation or clue your girlfriend in that she's in for heartbreak. You shouldn't talk about movies, music, or what you want for dinner when you really want to talk about the fact that you're unhappy, don't want to see their face anymore, and wonder why you ever asked them to move in with you in the first place.

    Also, when we email you or text you with a thoughtful message could you stop and think about the response you send back maybe? I know you don't think anything of it to just say yes/no/maybe or whatever the obvious response would be. How about throwing in "That was nice" or "I love you too" even "xoxo" would work.

    Oh and once in awhile telling her she looks beautiful wouldn't hurt either.

  • Sex. So, guys? Women like to be seduced. Turned on. They don't want to do the asking. Once in awhile is OK, you know when she feels like just tearing off your clothes, but other nights why don't you give it a shot? Is that too much to ask?

    Clue: wearing anything other than normal bedroom attire to sleep should turn your head. There are reasons behind the wardrobe guys. Reasons I tell you. Get your heads out of the clouds.

    Also, pleasure is a two way street. Make sure you make your way to the other side. Especially if you're only venturing out once or twice a week. Don't make her waste precious AA batteries.

  • Commitment. This is where it gets fuzzy. For you. Asking someone to move in with you (when they are perfectly settled in a place of their own mind you), pretty much is going to give them the impression that you want a future with said someone. Also, talking about future plans - kids, travelling, weddings, or references to "six months from now". Don't make promises you can't keep.

    Cheating is wrong. Flirting with other women is wrong. Meeting a girl at a party for the first time (and your girlfriend was your date to said party) and then seeking her out on myspace and befriending her is wrong. You didn't know her before, what do you need to do, follow up?

  • Gift Giving. Flowers, yes they are a nice thought definitely. But do you need to pick them up from [insert any place other than a flower shop here] every time? And yes, we can tell. We know you were there to pick up shaving cream and thought well it's our anniversary maybe I'll just grab one of these pre-made bouquets of flowers passing them off for fresh cut. She should be happy that she's even getting flowers. Uh, no this is not cool.

    Oh the gift of a greeting card. Would it kill you to pick out a card with the word love mentioned somewhere? At least on Valentine's Day? "You're cool" or "Let's have sex" don't express love and devotion here guys. Get a clue.

    It never hurts to surprise her when she's had a bad day or for no reason at all. Chocolates work. Or jewelry duh.

  • Holidays. I know there are several "Hallmark" holidays out there that are pretty silly. Just play along. Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day (which is Saturday - yay! for me), etc. Just buy a damn card at least. You don't have to go all out, but it's the fact that you even thought about it that will make her smile.

  • Emotions. Girls have them. They come on full force about once a month. And sometimes pop up on other occasions. Don't shrug them off. Comforting is necessary. Would it kill you to wrap her in a bear hug and let her cry on your shoulder? Or tell her everything will be OK? Or even just let her tell you everything that happened and get it all out -- you don't even have to respond, venting is therapy.

  • Affection. Now don't get me wrong we don't want your paws all over us in public, but behind closed doors? Hell yes! A hug from behind, a kiss on the neck, brushing the hair from our face, kissing our forehead, holding our hand, snuggling close on the couch together. These are every day ways you can show your girlfriend/wife that you care about her. She'll appreciate you for it, trust me.

Hmm am I bitter much?

**p.s. - I'm thinking of putting together a breakup advice post to sort of help me through this whole shitty situation. If you sent me an email and you would rather me not put any of your words of advice in my post let me know. I won't be including names or personal stories for obvious reasons.


libby said...

oh mich! you still manage to pull of a great post after the emotional rollercoaster you're going through and i heart you for it. this one made me laugh and, oh, what a coincidence it just happens to be what's your beef wednesday!

love the idea of breakup advice.
also i SO HEAR YOU on guys and their non-initiating of ANYTHING like an email, or their monosyllabic responses that make you feel like they're just responding out of OBLIGATION and really don'tgiveashit!

Tina Vaziri said...

Michelle, I think all boyfriends former or current need to attend boyfriend classes. Because there is just too much they don't know! You're not bitter, just honest, and I like it. :D

Marriage-101 said...

This was great! Well said. And funny too!

Feel free to use anything I sent you - names and all.

The Lisa Show said...

Excellent What's Your Beef Wednesday. Hahaha. You're awesome.

Also, has it occurred to you that you've got an army of 50 women, possibly more? Isn't that fascinating?! Hahaha. All you gotta do is say the word, baby.

brandy said...

Can we turn this into a pamphlet and hand it out to men we date? Because Dear Lord, I know a few who could benefit from reading this! As for the email stuff, feel free to share anything I sent you. Hope you are having a better day...

Lisa said...

I think general thoughtlessness is pretty common. Like "wow, are you actually STUPID? Or did you not think before you said/did/emailed that?"

Miriam said...

Amen sister. I love my husband and what not but seriously there are other occasions besides Christmas and my birthday. Maybe I'd like something "just because"

And do how cathartic would that break up post be? Go for it!

mcgee said...

i don't know too many girls who could write a great, funny and OH-SO-ACCURATE post like that after what you just went through. you, my girl, are a rockstar.

as for your post? AMEN SISTAH.

Jess said...

This post is amazing, and maybe it can serve as a reminder of good reasons to have broken up with someone. Also, although I'm engaged and therefore don't intend to ever break up with anyone again, I still want to read your breakup advice because I'm sure it will relate to some of my past experiences and also because it would definitely be AWESOME. said...

Those are great! And, they pretty much fit my ex to a T.

The second one on your list was a big one with me and the ex. He actually told me I had a *problem* and that *normal* guys don't want it all the time. I was naive and believed him! I thought there was something wrong with me! Then, when I met my husband (then bf), he said that my ex was the one with issues and that the only guys who don't want to have it all the time with women are gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

It definitely made me think... ;)


p.s. Feel free to use any part of my email for your post.

onebigholiday said...

I think you should read this book called " it's called a break up cause it's broken"

I'm not a big fan of self help books but wow, this books seriously rocked. It was funny and made you feel better.

Seriously, go out and buy it.

If not, I'll buy it for you and send it.

Princess Pointful said...

I had a comment all typed out, but then had to pretend I was doing work when someone walked in.


However, I think this post was pretty much the greatest idea ever. While you need a few days to cry and get the emotion out, after that, it is so good to think of what wasn't perfect and what you will be happy to get rid of.

As I may have told you, I ended a very long (6 year) relationship last year. It was SO GOOD for me to get mad at him... it helped move me forward. Up until then, we had been all amicable, and I'd had my second thoughts. Then he did one of the things that reminded me why I ended it in the first place... and it was such an enormous relief to realize.

Other advice for you? Don't decide it will be a good idea to listen to Ben Harper and put together the last of your photo albums right now.
Seriously, I did that. Bad idea.

After a few days, I would do a serious de-Clancyfication of your life. Put away all the stuff that reminds you of him, delete emails, text messages, etc. You don't need to burn it all (unless you want to), but put it the hell out of sight, so you can avoid the wistful reminiscing.

Now go get a hot new outfit and go dancing to remind you what a hottie you are ;)

Clink said...

I agree with mcgee that you're a total, utter rockstar. Also, I heart you.

Also, all boys everywhere should read this.

La said...

I absolutely agree that all men need to take a class on how to be a normal man, and it should happen BEFORE they enter into any kind of relationship whatsoever. It's amazing the stuff we put up with that we really, really shouldn't. And I echo that this is an amazing, coherent post, and I doubt I would have the kind of strength you do. Hugs!

rachel said...

good job. you are doing such a great job of being therapeutic with your frustration. i like the break-up post idea!!

Hope said...

Michelle, you truly are a rock star.

Three years ago, the love of (my then) life left me and I couldn't talk in complete sentences let alone right a funny and smart post!

We should all be so lucky to be as strong as you. xx

L Sass said...

Amen on the men suck!!!! Seriously, work the anger right now. I think it helps. :)

You are so funny... like Hope, I am impressed that you're finding humor in this already. You rock.

Katelin said...

i think your 'what's your beef' is the best form of venting yet. why not rant?

and i agree with l sass, i'm glad you can find humor in this too, makes life a little bit easier i think.

alyndabear said...

Woohoo! Let it all out, girl. *high fives you*

I'm with you on the affection one.. seriously, why not just be HAPPY you are with the person you love, why act like it's a big deal to hold hands out in public. Sheesh. We're not twelve anymore..

PL said...

You go girl! I think it's great to have a list like this, because you can come back to it as a reminder that you shouldn't settle for anything less than the best (or as close as possible! :) ).

sweetanemone said...

i love it! i will send boys from far and wide to read! especially the ones who need to read it.. oh wait i don't keep in touch with those... how can we put this across to the masses?! (actually, i think the answer here is that we shouldn't want or need to, cause the guys that know this stuff already are the keepers!!!)

also i love the go out dancing idea, dancing always makes for happy times :) and feel free to get angry at him whenever you like!

Miss M. said...

great post! here's something that drives me crazy about men:

When they want to have sex and we don't, they get all pouty and pissy because they aren't getting what they want. Yet we can't feel the same when they turn us down (which doesn't happen often from my experience!).

cdp said...

Oh how much I adore you.

Reasons behind the wardrobe. I know they don't think about these. Sometimes I wonder if they notice the wardrobe at all? I mean yes, I do realize the world may in fact COME TO AN END if you don't check on your blackberry before we go to sleep, jerkoff, but hi? I spent $65 on this shit at Vickie's? Can I get a compliment? A backrub? A goddamn glance for the love of GOD?

Also please email me your address. I am going to send you the famous tortious angry women music mix cd for breakups.

I also recommend new shoes, girls night out to include lewd dancing and lots of it, indulgent lunches, and dressing up and looking cute - to go to the grocery store if there's nothing else going on. Do it for you, girl. Because you, my dear friend, are worth it. And thensome.

Julie Q said...

gotta agree with the gift blurb. my hubby always seems to have bad luck with getting a gift to me on time (its always FedEx's fault apparently) but then he doesn't get me a card because he just relies on the free typed out card attached to the gift. THAT DOESN'T COUNT. I expect 2 hallmark cards for every holiday. One thats funny with a dog on it, and one ridiculously sappy. (the more doylies the better).

And when he does actually get me flowers he has to go to the most expensive ridiculous place ever- which makes me not enjoy them because i'm like.. wow that "gift" could've just done our grocery shopping for 2 weeks but instead i have these european orange calla lillies that are going to die in 6 days. Maybe i'm just a crazy biatch! lol

distracted spunk said...

You're fantastic. I can't really say anything else. Though, I will say, one ex-boyfriend used to buy me jewelry all the time and I'd pretend to like it. Then he got the hint and started buying me pizza pies and met me after class with them so we could share pizza. Or DVDs. None of that romance stuff. I liked that so much better.

Keep rocking out doll. You have the support of so many people behind you - if we could, I bet there'd be a huge Michelle dance party right now.

Oh! And. New discovery. Tila Tequila (on MTV) is so guilty pleasure, you can't help but laugh. Watch it for easy amusement.

ana said...

This is an awesome post, I think we should print it out and distribute it amongst men, most of them need a well compiled instruction manual on relationships...the do's and the don'ts...
By all means go ahead with the break up advice post..most of us need a well compiled self help guide...

rant it out....

Tattler said...

I just found your blog and I'm so, so sorry to hear about the break-up.

I'll add something sucky about boys! Don't call at the last minute if you want to hang out. We KNOW you're only calling for sex or because your other plans fell through.

DG said...

You are definitely bitter - but you are ALLOWED to be! And FYI the biggest warning sign about a guy not being that into you is the sex thing. GUYS WANT SEX. ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL. If he doesn't want to have sex with you? He's a) into someone else b) not turned on by you or c) GAY. And I'm being 100 percent serious. There is NO other reason. XX Michelle, keep your head up sweety.

Jenni said...

HA! This post takes the cake! You are SO right on with everything!!!

molly said...

I think this should be a required course for all men. Market it darling, you'll make a fortune!

Elise said...

YES!! Where is the freaking romance? I really don't understand that, either. Have we, as women, EVER given off any signals other than WE LIKE TO BE ROMANCED? We like flowers, we like fancy dates, we like presents, we like sweet cards, we like TO BE ROMANCED. Holy crap, how hard is it?

Don't you often think, if you were suddenly switched in the relationship, how EASY it would be to make the girl half happy? Just buy a lot of little things to let her know you care, take her out, be kind, be friggin romantic! :)

Julie said...

Hey girl.

Just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and I know you'll get through this.


Michelle said...

How about when they pretend they don't know how to do something, just so they don't have to do it?

Like, "I don't know where this plate goes, can you put it away," or "your thank you notes are so much better than mine, why don't you just write them all".

Seriously, great post, can't wait to read the breakup one, I'm sure it will feel GREAT to get out. I'll send you a story.

Gisela said...

This is awesome! It made my day to read this! :)

I just happened to pass your blog today and thought it was interesting. Sorry to hear that you are going through this. It sucks! But, keep venting it's good!

Ashlie said...

I love it! I think every girl reading this is applauding you right now. I have experienced all of these at some point. Or even right now. Kinda reminds me of my post today. Bastards.


L B said...

i love this list. it is so true and isn't it sad that so many of us have had to deal with these things? you have awesome advice for guys...write a book!

Nic said...

I love the post.

It's okay to be bitter. Really.

Every now and then remember to take a step outside of yourself and look at the situation from the outside in. Sometimes when we are so hurt we let emotions get in the way of our logical thinking and reasoning and checking in from outside can help keep you in line. List making really helps this and then pretend that a friend were telling you those things, what would you say? Little things like that might help you recover instead of dwelling on the general douchebaggery of the situation.

Erica DiLoretto said...

OK...Just a LITTLE bitter :)
Remember that there is someone out there for you. Someone who can give you what you need/want. C is just not that person. As hard as it is right will get better.

When we set high standards for ourselves, I think it means that there is something else missing in our life. We need to love ourselves before someone else can love us. We need to think why we "need" certain things from people. I know it's hard right now...but love yourself first and love will find you. Find your confidence and confidence will find you. Be true to yourself and someone will be true to you.

I say this to you, because I've lived it. I've been the needy girl that needed to be loved to feel any self-worth. Once I realized that only I could give me that, I found the man who is now my husabnd and the father of my child.

Life is tough, love is tougher. Be strong and find out who you are take if from there. Love will find you. I promise :)

Now...go find that apartment!

Love ya seesta


Zandria said...

I'm totally feeling you on these. Especially the one about affection.

I'm sorry to hear about your recent breakup. It makes no sense for someone to act like they're happy, and talk about future plans, and then bring something like this out of the blue.