Wednesday, May 21, 2008

To Blog Or Not To Blog?

That is the question.

How Shakespeare of me, right?

Anyway, I know I've been hiding lately. Not because I want to. More so, because I don't know what to do in regards to this particular blog. I don't want to delete it. Erasing what happened is not an option. The good times were really good times and I don't want to forget them.

But I know that from this point on if I write anything on here I will be holding something back. Something I don't want him to know. Things I don't want him to know I'm feeling. Because if he wants to know, he can ask me. Loving and caring about someone takes effort. It shouldn't be dished out for all to see.

This blog has been an outlet for me for over a year and I hate to lose my URL and header that I love, but what choice do I have? I want to tell you guys about what's going on in my life. I hate that I haven't been able to do that.

So what do you guys think I should do?


  1. Start a new blog. One that is completely anonymous. Make this blog private so only I can view the archives when I want to.
  2. Keep writing on this one, but don't reveal too much.
  3. Start a new blog and maybe write on this one once in awhile with updates.
  4. Stop blogging all together.
And would you all still stick around if I moved?

What a hassle all of this is.

91 comments:

deutlich said...

I don't care where you move, I'm definitely sticking around.

And my bull-headed side just wants to say, Keep posting here regardless of what he thinks/does. HE'S a JERK if he can't communicate properly and wants to spy on you. Also, you shouldn't have to be driven from your spot.

With that said, in your shoes? I'd be doing the same thing, I'm pretty sure.

Definitely don't stop blogging all together, though. That'd suck major donkey ass.. :(

Long story short, I suggest you do what you feel most comfortable with that will still allow you to be completely open and honest. it's your blog, after all.

Courtney said...

Delurking for the first time... bottom line is that you need to do what is best for you. I'd stick around if you moved to a new location, though!

Just A Girl In GA said...

Delurking for a second time, I hope you keep up this blog since you do a really good job with it. But...Michelle you do what you think is best.

Me, now I would get some sort of cheap stupid thrill if my ex wanted to keep up with my feelings (they usually don't). Besides you know what, you will move on and maybe it will serve him well to see you doing just that.

legallyheidi.com said...

you should write for you. You should write what you want to write, and write where you feel comfortable writing. Otherwise? What's the point?

No matter what you decide though? I'll stick around :) <3

cady said...

my first thought was to start a new blog so you can talk about whatever you want to and not have to worry about what you say. like everyone else said, though, you have to do what's best for you. i will definitely follow you if you move!

Allison said...

Why don't you privatize certain entries? I can't imagine every blog post being some deep, personal and emotional that you want this person to not see, but for those that you don't want everyone to see, just privatize those posts and give passwords to the people that you don't mind or can trust. I don't know if you can do that on Blogger. You might have to switch to Wordpress to privatize individual posts, but at least it's an option.

Passionista said...

I totally understand how you feel, I would not feel comfortable if my ex or current boyfriend was reading my blog. My opinion is to start a new blog and move your archives there, keep it anonymous if you want or whatever you feel necessary to keep it away from prying eyes. You can either keep this blog too, delete it, privatize it, or leave it alone. But just keep blogging! I love reading your posts :)

theselittlemoments said...

I think that if writing if your outlet, you should keep writing. Maybe start another blog and share the URL with the people you want to share it with. You don't necessarily have to post it here.

And then, if you want to, post updates on this site. Just don't give it up completely.

Annie said...

Whatever you do, if writing is helpful, don't give it up!

Slightly Disorganized said...

you should move.

Kim said...

Definitely do NOT stop blogging. It's an outlet, everyone needs to let it out once in awhile. Perhaps just move? And I'm not going anywhere :-) I hope you are doing better.

3carnations said...

I would stick around.

I say keep this one and go private with it, for a while anyway. You can make it public again when you're comfortable to do so.

Elise said...

I'll be sticking around, regardless! But my vote is for either making this blog private/password protected for a while (or forever, whatever YOU want!), OR moving to a new place altogether. Moving though, and being unprotected, always holds the chance that one or two smart Google searches will find you.

dreamgrrl said...

I say -- keep this blog for occasional 'catch-ups', but start another one - where you privately give out the URL. No need to sacrifice who you really are for someone who is a ... not a nice guy. Do it for you. And we'll all be there for support!!

swaaaan said...

I'll follow you where ever you go. Perhaps the best would be privatizing your archives, so you don't lose your whole blog, though a fresh start might be just what the doctor ordered. :)PS: *hug*

Lacey Bean said...

I agree with Heidi's advice, and also that you can make certain entries private. Wherever you go, I'm still gonna play you in Scrabulous!!

P.S. I think it's your turn?

Alexa said...

definitely keep blogging. that isn't an option, i can tell you like it too much to stop.

switching urls is an option. many bloggers have done it before and your readers will follow you as long as you let us all know where you are.

and when you say that if you maintain this blog you will be holding something back. i think you will only be holding something back for a short time. once that time passes you'll be back to normal.

i hope it all works out!! : )

notbubbly said...

I say move if thats what you need to do to feel comfortable...

Please send me the new URL though!

Laurel said...

I'm having the EXACT SAME PROBLEM. So when you figure it out, let me know.

Loves
xoxo

Scotty said...

If youre afraid someone will read, set up a private blog and if people want to read it, they'll ask to be invited!

Keep it like that till your comfy, or whenever.

pbandrazz said...

i would go with first option if you want to continue posting (and don't want to feel censored). and your readers will follow. i know i will.

but take some time if you need to. it helps.

lspoon said...

Do whatever will make you the happiest. Just let me know what you decide so I can continue to stalk you :)

k said...

i can't tell you what you should do, but i'd love to follow you, where ever you go.

Liz said...

You know I'll follow you wherever you go.

brookem said...

I think that if blogging is cathartic for you, then you definitely shouldn't give it up all together. Maybe move your space, if need be. I'll follow you for sure.

Laurie said...

Whatever you decide to do - I will remain a loyal reader!

This is a toughie though, the internet is a tricky beast.

thecasualperfectionist.com said...

To mirror what others have said, you have to do what is right for you.

Personally, I would probably create a new blog and send the link to the people I want to see it. You could be anonymous on the site to the world at large, but we'd know who you are, and he wouldn't. Oh, the freedom!

Of course, you would have to assume that he could find you if he looked hard enough, but you'd still have some freedom with the anonymity.

In the meantime, keep this blog and update it every now and then. That way, you have the best of both worlds.

Just my opinion, of course...just please be sure to send me the link to the new site! ;)

Noelle said...

Stick with it for a little while, see if the situation blows over. A little time helps a lot of things, and moving is kind of a pain in the butt.

But do what you think is right, in the end, that's all you can do.

Cara said...

Ditto everyone else's comments. Why not just password protect the blog and have people email you for access? That's what browneyedgirlie did, and it seems to be working well for her! I will say this, I'll miss your posts if you disappear!

Anna said...

I have never written you before-- but I am dying to know what has happened with you and Clancy-- and I love your blog!

If you do move, will you email the new URL?

annamay.yb@gmail.com

Good luck Michelle, you've had it rough.

Cheers to better days ahead.

-Anna May

Katelin said...

I'm with everyone here, if you move I will definitely follow and keep reading. You're one of my favorite bloggers Michelle and I'd hate for you to just shut it down entirely. I can understand if you want to stop writing on this one and making it private, but noone says you can't start another one :)

freeandflawed said...

If you move, I'll follow!

I don't think you should delete this one though. If you're only reason for deleting it is him, I wouldn't. This is your space. Your voice. You shouldn't have to run and hide because of him.

Maybe give yourself a deadline. Stay here for a month and see how it goes. If he gives you grief or you're too uncomfortable, consider a move.

nuttycow said...

Option 1. But let us know where you move to :)

xxxx

Hazel said...

Don't stop blogging!

I had to move sites a while back, too and yeah, it was a hassle, but most of your readers will follow you and you'll gain some new ones, too!

penelope23 said...

Only you know what is best for you. But regardless of what you do, I will keep reading... whether it's here, there or anywhere.

Cheer up!

Valerie said...

I would do option #1. I would stick around for ya :) If you lose a couple readers, so what? You know? I've lost readers over the past few months but, meh. The ones that matter stuck around :)

grungedandy said...

I agree with what pretty much everyone else here says sweetie we will move, we will do what ever it takes we are behind you 100%
But you have to ask your self 2 questions deep down do you still want a connection with him? If so make this private or move because if guys actually know what we say about them behind they’re backs when we are hurting to our friends then that would be it! There is no going back because he would read all the stuff not only you but we’ve been saying about him & we don’t know him & we will rip him to shreds because he’s hurt you! That’s what girlfriends do! Guys just get pissed & try & get him laid again we assassinate his every character flaw and you have to be a mature & secure MAN not boy to cope with this and I’m guessing he’s not or we would not be having this problem in the first place! And 2nd question do you think he still wants a connection with you do you think he will even bother to read your blog unless it’s to read how miserable you are to give his ego a boost? Or do you think he will just get himself another girlfriend to get over you (sorry that’s what guys do not all but most) I know that last bit was harsh but true in my experience, I would go with just being me know matter what nothing pisses them off more than seeing you can live with out them but I can totally see were your coming from as I don’t use my real name as I’ve already had the stalker ex I’m sure I’ve already told you about him so I’m selective about who I let have my info! May be go private for certain entries although that might be a bind or private for a while. Just know that I’m pretty sure most of us here look like we will move mountains for you (& probably dump it on him) how’s that for a support network! LoL Seeya hugya *G*

L Sass said...

Start a new blog where he can't find it. You deserve a place to be open and honest without fear... and we would miss you too much if you quit!

Nilsa S. said...

If you love blogging, Michelle, then don't quit. You have options. Lots of options. My advice? Stick to one blog. Unless you have a specific goal in two different blogs (one for recipes, another for book reviews, etc.) then it gets complicated having two blogs. And there are ways of staring a new blog and importing all your archives (Wordpress??), so you wouldn't even have to keep this blog around. Or you could keep this blog and write a private post (not sure if Blogger allows for it, but you could always do it by email for those who want to provide you an email address). And if the spark is no longer there with blogging, then don't force yourself. You can always come back to it one day. Like tomorrow! Wherever you go, please tell me because I will surely follow! Good luck with this tough decision.

Le Petit Chic said...

Definitely don't give this one up yet. You're in a very vulnerable place right now and I can understand that it must be hard knowing that he can mosey on over here whenever he wants to see what you're doing. And when he does? Good!! Because then he'll see what he's missing and will eventually smack himself in the head. And if he doesn't? Who cares? Don't let him take this away from you, intentionally or not.

B2G said...

Start a new one, email us all the URL, and keep your archives somewhere (probably here, private, if you don't want to move them over to a new blog that could be searchable) because I would miss you too much if you left. I'm so sorry for what happened hunny... I've been there two, only I was stupid enough to go back for thirds. You deserve to find an amazing guy who loves you for exactly who you are, I'm sure you'll find him.

Jenni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenni said...

I think you should start a new blog and update this one once in awhile...but no matter what, we'll be there for you! :)

girlinterrupted1218 said...

I totally agree with everything Deutlich. Down to the period! And maybe I'd add... I suggest moving your blog. I had to do it recently and it was a slight adjustment period but I am getting there.But please don't stop blogging.

ChasingParadise said...

I definitely understand your predicament, but can I just say PLEASE DON'T LEAVE! I've been a long-time reader and your blog is one of the ones that inspired me to start blogging! I'd miss your writing and humor if you went away. The strong-take-no-bullshit woman in me says SCREW HIM. Stay here and don't change your life just because he's a complete JERK. The more understanding side of me says maybe move your blog? Whatever you do, please make sure to let us know. We'd miss you so much if you disappeared on us!

Newsha said...

Please, please, please keep blogging. Just go private. Another blogger had a similar problem and decided to create a new blog and made it invite only. We'll email you and you'll email us the password. Pretty please?

rebecca said...

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sticking with you!

Jess said...

I like option 3 best. But really, I'm fine with any of them except option 4.

red-wench said...

I'd start a new blog and for every comment someone leaves, you can e-mail them the location of it. That way he can't follow you.

Leave this one as is!

Julie said...

Oh no don't stop blogging!!

I don't know what you should do but don't stop blogginG!!

LMM said...

I would stay and fight on. I had this exact thing happen to me around this time last summer. I regret shutting myself off and letting him get the best of me. We eventually got back together, though I would never have thought it at the time, and I wish I hadn't given in to myself and that I'd kept blogging for my friends through the hard time.

Good luck, and I'll follow wherever you go!

Frankly, Scarlett said...

I had the EXACT same problem! too many ex's read it, etc. I stayed, ex relationships be damned. It was theraputic, breaking down barriers. Besides, you'd have to rebuild, and that's just NO fun!

pomjob said...

The internet is a scary place if you're concerned about your personal life and over sharing. But I only recently found your blog and I love your writing style so I would be sad if you went away. I would follow you to a new URL, I'm a stalker like that. Sorry you're being subjected to this hassle.

ZoomZoomZoom said...

KEEP BLOGGING. get a new one. a juicy life makes for the best content.

Lisa said...

Stick around. We'd miss you too much. And you'd miss this too much, too. I'd follow you to another blog if you decide to transfer.

lfar said...

#3. Come on, there are a LOT of perks to being non anonymous. Make a new one and keep this one.

I hear you, though. Being non-anon is hard, hey?

Clarity Sage said...

I am abandoning my old blog but leaving it up because there are some entries on there I really like. I made a new one that is in no way associated with the old one. If you do that, it'll probably be tougher because you have more readers to inform of your new address, where as I had all four of them to tell.

But no matter what, you shouldn't abandon blogging altogether if you really like doing it.

Z said...

If you move, I'll follow :)

Miss A said...

we're all sticking around, so don't even question that.

Moving from blogspot is EASY. Join wordpress and simply import all your blogspot archives. Wordpress also enables you to take your website off google search engines etc - which I LOVE.

Then, with your remaining blogspot, make it private, so it's still there, but simply inaccessible.

Easy.

All Mod Cons said...

Option 1 all the way.

Ashley D said...

Do what works best for you. I would vote for starting a new blog but leaving this one and updating it once in a while. Either way, I'll definitely keep reading! :)

Tipp said...

I say Option 1 too, just because that will enable you to blog exactly how you want, openly and honestly. You can request no one use your name and link back or blogroll you in case he gets super investigative and starts tailing your readers. Recently went throught the same thing when I started an anonymous blog. It has been a great outlet for me to talk about everything I want without worrying what the readers will think or who will read.

We love you and want to keep up with you, no matter what, don't stop!

AP said...

i've moved twice now. people will follow you. *I* will follow you. so go ahead with your bad self (lol) and move. you'll feel better about it. i promise. :)

lemme know if you move!

Daddy Dan said...

I think you should keep blogging, and blogging here, and writing about any and everything you want. Who cares if he reads it. Who cares what he thinks, right?

Regardless, I'm sticking around, and if you move, I hope you let me know where you move to.

brandy said...

Definitely 3. Because 1) if you are like me (and I think you are) writing helps you get through stuff- so don't let go of that- especially in a time when you really need it 2)if you quit I would miss you.

That is all. Oh, no wait. I just have to say this... don't give anyone else the satisfaction of taking something away from you that you enjoy. Don't let people who don't deserve you influence the best parts of you my dear. You are far too brilliant to not share your thoughts.

And when (if?) you do move, I want the address!

poodlegoose said...

I'm not really sure, to be honest. Part of me thinks that if he knows or suspects you have another blog, it kind of defeats the purpose of leaving this one. I've gotta agree with Brandy's 2nd paragraph, though.

I know I've been slacking lately on catching up, but know that I've been reading you faithfully for quite some time now, and to be honest, I'd hate to see you leave for good.

Good luck. . . I know this is a hard decision.

Vanessa said...

First of all, I would want to follow you wherever you move!

Second, I think you should blog and not hold anything back. The blog is a great outlet, a great release. It's cathartic to write feelings and express what you're going through.

Third, I think you should do whatever feels best for you, whatever resonates. But I'd hate to loose your writing, your perspective if you stop blogging.

Enny said...

Please let us know where you go if you do!!

Jamie Lovely said...

I don't think you should stop blogging, Michelle. It's great to have this outlet. If you do decide to move then definitely keep me updated. You were one of the first 20somethings I ever read and would love to keep up with you.

Second, I finally caught up to my reader and read this after I posted my own entry to about to blog or not to blog. OBVIOUSLY, great minds think alike <3

Katyn said...

you know i'll follow if/where you go!

that being said, the thing with blogs is you have the choice of revealing things, and if you're not comfortable with people (whether it's strangers, people you know in real life, or exes) reading certain things, then you either have to leave out parts, or make your posts adapt to what demographic you don't want reading your personal stuff.

i have a feeling you'll be happier if you start clean with a new one, give out the address via email to those that request it, and not have to fear about prying eyes.

that being said, i have another question - do you want the new jason mraz cd too?

Katyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
C squared said...

Don't leave! I look forward to your lovely posts everyday! xoxo

sassafras said...

I enjoy reading you so if you do decide to move or make your blog private please let me know!

I, like most bloggers, have struggled with this question too. It's a tough one. Good luck.

j*amy said...

don't stop blogging! <3
other than that, that's all i have to say. i will continue to pop in and read wherever you are :)

pinkhighheels said...

It seems as if writing is your outlet, so I definitely wouldn't stop completely. But if you don't want him to read what's going on in your life, I say start a new one. Regardless.. I'll follow you onto your next blog if you do move. =)

kristin b said...

i have been asking myself the same questions lately and am relieved to find i'm not alone.

i'll share with you the options i'm tossing around. :)

1. (just like you're 3! so you know where my vote is.) start a new blog and keep this around for updates.
2. start a new blog and take with me who i want, eventually making this blog private. ah.. what to do! :)

Miriam D said...

i'm a bit late posting but whatever you choose, let me know! i don't know you in real life, and i'm an anon blogger too. I've got to say that even then, you sometimes hold back. when you write publicly, even anonymously, it can be hard to let it all out.

Kt said...

My feeling is do what YOU want to do - regardless of what he's going to think or feel about it. Take care of you.

Lauren said...

Don't stop writing all together--never do that. Writing is a wonderful outlet to let you understand your feelings.

I switched up blogs after a huge break up because I didn't want the ex to read what I was writing. It worked and I made a new home. A new start, a new beginning. It sounds strange, but that's what the blog has been for me.

In other words, starting a new one is never a bad thing. It's like a sequel to a book.Plus, anywhere that you can be more honest is good--you know?

Nic said...

I think you need to go with your gut on this one. I am censored on my own blog because of my family, and that's okay. If he knows about the blog and you're afraid of him seeing that you're hurting, I do want to remind you that this awful period really is temporary. While you may be hurting now, he will soon see you flourish and you know what, that might be good medicine for you.

And if you move? OF COURSE I am going to stick around.

Princess Pointful said...

I think the conclusion is that we will all stick around. But I definitely think that you should not feel restricted in your writing-- this is the one place you should feel free.

chasinglibby said...

ultimately, its your choice. but just make sure you get me the URL, yo!

James said...

Apologies if this has already been suggested in one of the 82 comments so far...

Obviously what you need is the ability for private posts on this blog, right?

Okay so Blogger doesn't let you, but I've thought of a workaround. Set up a very simple sister wordpress blog. Then everytime you want to write a personal post just write 'this is a private post click here to view' and link to your wordpress blog (which would require a password to view the post). You can put a link at the bottom of the post to return back to your main blog.

You could do the same with a sister blogger blog where you select who can view it. Again you can easily link from this blog to it.

Single said...

Michelle,

I really hope that you just stick with this blog and not worry about a certain someone. However, if you change your mind, please let me know where you go! I love reading your blog!!

Paula said...

I think you should stick with the blog you have, but if you move, you certainly won't lose your fans!!! :) I totally know where you're coming from (although I changed my blog for a different reason) - with my blog on myspace I find myself censoring what I'm saying etc as I know my ex still reads it, so I always try to make myself sound happier than I really am as he once called me pessimistic! Stupid I know, but I save my real personality these days for my actual blog and have a false personality on myspace!!! Anyway, whatever you decide to do, we're right behind you!

pam27954 said...

You don't know me and I don't know you but through here. But I've enjoyed reading your blog a lot and hope you stick around. I hope you continue here as I wouldn't be on your list to let view your blog. I'm probably not your usual audience (much older but the daughter of a new teenager) but I enjoy your thoughts. Good luck.

Pam

Julie Q said...

wherever you end up, make sure you send me a link!!! (btw, the #4 option it totally not doable) As soon as you decide you're not going to blog, something funny will happen where your first reaction is " I should blog about this!"

Julie said...

Forget him! Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing and I think you should blog freely withour reguard for his thoughts... Stand your ground sista!!!

K said...

I know this is kind of late to jump in the fray. But I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. If this doesn't feel like home anymore build a new one, and all of us will follow to support. If this is still home, then stay and we'll all still support you.

My thoughts are with you. Darling shoes by the way.

might I add...? said...

Hey Michelle,

I've been out for a while (this being a new parent and going back to work is a tough treadmill to stay on), so I don't know all the details. Maybe you haven't been posting all of them, but I just want to say that we're all here behind you - remember that.

Do whatever you think will be best for you. If you feel you can, share your new URL if you do decide to move (although someone who seriously wants to find you will be able to track you that way, unless you make your new site password protected... easy enough to do if you have a Mac!), I am keeping tabs on you, although not often, admittedly.

And I want you remind you that you will find someone who will treasure you for the wonderful woman that you are. You have to believe that. It's hard when you're in love to let go of the history you have with someone, but if they don't treat you with the love and sweetness and respect that you deserve, you have to know that you deserve more.

Stay strong, sweetie! You're going to be OK.

Sara said...

Hi Michelle,

I'm finally back online! I have a blog that I've moved around during the years. I think I've found a good balance. I blog, but I also make some things private, so not everyone can read what I've written.

I hope you keep blogging, never stop that. I would lean to number 3, but make some posts private. You can do that easily with Word Press. I've been using it for 5 years now. :)

I'm going to follow you on Twitter, so you can DM me there if you move to another URL. I would love to keep reading your blog when I can.