Friday, December 21, 2007

Home For The Holidays

Today after work I'll be making the 4 hour drive home to Erie, Pennsylvania. The city where I was born and raised, smack dab in the middle of the snow belt. Remind me why again? Oh right it's Christmas weekend. Despite my ho-hum attitude towards the holidays this year, I really am excited to see my family and friends.

This will be my first Christmas in TEN YEARS that I've spent without a significant other by my side. It's going to be strange to say the least. But for once I'm not worried about whose family we're going to see which day and for how long, and ultimately who we're going to piss off. I get to be selfish and spend the whole 4 day weekend doing what I want to do.

I'll be staying at my dad's house. This is always a huge debate since the divorce. I always feel like I'm choosing sides or something. But my dad's house is the house I lived in from 8th grade through college and feels the most like home. My room is still painted the same lilac purple with navy stripes along the top of the wall. My canvases and drawing boards shoved under the bed. Sketch books and unfinished paintings in the closet. It's like being back in high school again. Like I never left.

Except at the end of the hall the room that used to be my parents' no longer houses my mom's abundant wardrobe and numerous perfumes. My stepmom lives there now and seeing her always brings me from my high school mind set back to reality. My brother won't be doing pull-ups on the bar hung in his doorway across the hall. I won't hear him grumbling when the alarm goes off. My stepsister (and probably her on again off again boyfriend) sleeps there during the holidays. Don't get me wrong, I love the new members of my family. It's just strange that there isn't a place that feels completely like home anymore. There are reminders around every corner that life has changed.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to Christmases past, especially ones when my grandfather was still alive.


My nose is a little beat up in this picture. I was 3 and apparently attempted to carry my favorite chair down the stairs on Christmas Eve, only to tumble to the bottom, chair first.


I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday weekend. Enjoy the time off of work, time spent with family from out of town, time reuniting with friends normally scattered across the country that will be home to celebrate, time recognizing how wonderful it is to be surrounded by people that love you. I know I will.

Merry Christmas!

51 comments:

Miss A said...

Merry Christmas Michelle!!

Susie said...

Happy holidays!!

Change sucks :( But we make the best of it and still have a good time and make new memories. This is my first Xmas in 6 years without a bf, and I totally agree with you that there are some definite +'s!! Enjoy :)

distractedspunk said...

Hm...post idea...

By the way. I think every single girl has that dress, either in red or purple, or some variation thereof. What was going on there, back in the 80s?

Have a safe trip!

midnite99 said...

You're from Erie? "You'll always know your neighbor, you'll always know your pal..." We sang that in music class in elementary school. Haven't thought of that one in quite a while!

Have a great Christmas with your family!

thecasualperfectionist.com said...

We hope you have a WONDERFUL holiday, Michelle!! Love, Claire & Momma

Eyes As Windows said...

Seems for me that family gathering on holidays only makes me miss the past even more! I also did one of those trips too at that age, except it was with my winter sled, I too fell straight down our stairs!

ana said...

Merry Christmas to you too, I know you will have a wonderful time....

brandy said...

Merry Christmas! Have a safe trip and a wonderful holiday.

Slightly Disorganized said...

Merry christmas deary. Not that I won't talk to you before that.

lspoon said...

I wasn't even paying attention to your nose I was looking at the ginormous stocking! Goodness what's in that thing? Barbie's dream house, pool, corvette AND ice cream shop?

Marry Christmas. Enjoy yourself :)

La said...

I hope you have a safe and wonderful holiday, and I can't thank you enough for your kindness and support.

xoxo

Lisa said...

That picture is adorable. And hi, I want that stocking. Santa can stuff a lot of things in that for me. Merry Christmas!!

Valerie said...

*sigh* Memories are great, aren't they? Too bad life has to change. :(

Have a great Christmas, and be safe!

dreamgirl said...

AWW!! when i was 3 i stood on my baby rocking chair and it flipped over, poked me in the face and i had to get stiches in my cheek on christmas eve! yikes! merry christmas!!!

rachel said...

maybe we can still get together for a short time this weekend? I dont kow when... but we could try maybe.

that picture is so cute. i have some from when i was littel where i have little sores above my mouth... no good reason for them either. lol :)

nancypearlwannabe said...

Merry Christmas, Michelle. Have fun in PA!

Stephanie said...

On my third Christmas I had chicken pox, so the nose thing isn't too bad.

Also, that stocking is bigger than you! Too cute. :)

stilettoheights said...

have a very merry christmas darling girl!!

drive safe!

nicoleantoinette said...

Merry Christmas Michelle! I love that stocking, it's totally bigger than you are. What an adorable picture.

I know what you mean about not having a place that feels totally like home. When my parents split up in April they both moved out of California to different states, and now I don't have anywhere to go that reminds me of growing up or anything.

Enjoy your holiday, it sounds like your single (and not at all selfish) self is going to have a blast!

News-Bitch said...

Have a merry christmas, and enjoy the fact that being single means you don't have to juggle multiple stops or worry about another person's comfort level. It means pj's until 4 pm and you can eat all the garlic mashed potatoes you want!

Virginia said...

Change can definitely suck, but I'm glad you get to spend the holidays with your family and not have to stress about a significant other's family too. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes, haha.

Have a very merry Christmas!! And drive safely!

ChasingParadise said...

Aww, Michelle. I can totally sympathize with you. As you've read, my life has changed a lot too and Christmas isn't what it used to be. I think that's why I'm just kind of "whatever" about Christmas anymore. The picture in this post is adorable, and that is one hell of a stocking! Merry Christmas -- I hope your vacation is fantastic!

Kristen said...

have a safe drive! merry christmas!

Passionista said...

I hear ya on the home feeling! I hate that we had to sell our house when my parents divorced. Now I'm trying to own my own house to make my home. But yeah when I go home this weekend, the step mom wants to have drinks with me. Umm no thank you. Happy Holidays! So cool that you're from Erie :)

Julie said...

My parents got divorced after I moved to college and my mom still lives in the house where I grew up.

But it's never really been home anymore. Plus my little sister stole my old room. So now I sleep on an air mattress in the living room!

L Sass said...

Merry Christmas!

Tiny Michelle is oh-so-cute!

Ashley said...

merry christmas dear! have a safe trip.

sassafras said...

I love how the stocking is as big as you are - so cute!

Merry Christmas and safe driving!

Clink said...

Happy holidays! And omg, how cute were you?

Miriam D said...

Hey, I went to high school in PA! Awesome.

Also, I understand those feelings about going home... I have divorced parents too...

Happy Holidays!! Cute picture.

t.b.f.love. said...

Merry Christmas! I know what you mean about longing for the Christmases past. Even when things are great now, they're different. Oh well, change is inevitable, and at least we have memories. Hope your weekend is wonderful!

Samantha said...

Happy holidays sweetie! Have a good holiday at home! And you were adorable as a kid!

Banana said...

Merry Christmas! Isn't it strange how you have to redefine "home" as you get older. I feel like I go through that about every three years or so.

She Likes Purple said...

Merry Christmas!

Trish Ryan said...

Merry Christmas!

I love that you're excited about the four days while still recognizing how disconcerting change can be. Nice balance. Enjoy!

brookem said...

Have a great Christmas Michelle! I know the feeling of choosing between parents for the holidays. It's tough. Enjoy your time off!

Nilsa S. said...

My parents are still married and still live in the house where I lived from 7th grade through high school. I'll tell you something ... it doesn't really feel like home anymore. Spend enough time away and you'll inevitably feel like you're visiting your parents. Regardless of where they live.

Have a fabulous trip home!

Katelin said...

Aw have a great Christmas Michelle!

Hope Santa brings you everything you want :)

Tina Vaziri said...

Merry Christmas, Michelle! Have a great holiday with your family!

Yoda said...

Merry XMas!

For a change this year my travel plans include just driving over the Hudson river into Jersey :-) Gotta love short distances!

Have a safe drive up to Eerie.

Valley Girl said...

You were an adorable kid!

Princess Pointful said...

Adorable photo!

I am so protective of my image of home. It feels like the only thing in my life that is NOT ALLOWED to change. I almost freaked when my parents spoke of selling it!

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your time with you fam!

So@24 said...

Look at those little black shiny shoes!

Cute as a button!

erin said...

Merry Christmas Michelle!

Love the photo of you and your larger than life stocking. (Umm...this is why I need a scanner!)

p.s. can we be facebook friends??

libby said...

merry christmas!! have a great weekend at home :)

Damsel in Digress said...

oh what an adorable picture. please tell me there is a picture of you in that stocking once it was all empty. no?

merry christmas, michelle!

Jamie Lovely said...

Merry Christmas!

Also, I'm pretty sure there is a picture of me wandering around with a dress exactly like that!

JulyBug said...

Adorable pic! Merry Christmas!

Ripe for Reading said...

Merry Christmas!!!

graffitigirldesigns said...

hi. i am catching up on many missed days on your blog - this picture is so cute - i love it!

JMC said...

I'm a little late here; got behind with the holidays. THAT is one helluva stocking you had when you were three.