The Last Post?

Dear Clancy,

Hi. I have a secret to tell you. You know that post I wrote yesterday? The one filled with reasons I hate men? Let's just say anger may have taken over there for a minute. Don't get me wrong, I want so badly to be the tough girl I seem to be in my writing. I really wish I was. But you of all people know that this has been so hard for me. That my heart and soul are literally breaking. And that I've been anything but tough. But somehow you've been big enough to listen. You've rode on my roller coaster ride, kept me from falling off. But soon I'll need to ride it alone. I'm scared for that day to come.

I don't want to make you out to be the bad guy. Because I know in your heart you think you're doing the right thing. Maybe you are. Maybe one day I will see that. For now I will hold on to our memories. Be grateful that I still can see you every day (if only for a short time) even though it's not the same. It's funny how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.*

I've been avoiding the radio, CDs or any kind of music because everything seems to remind me of you. Despite my attempts, "When I'm Up I Can't Get Down" just keeps playing over and over in my head. Remember when you found out I liked Great Big Sea? You about flipped out. I will never forget the look on your face. And when I handed you those concert tickets the tears welled up in your eyes (if only for a second) and that brought me so much joy.

So many memories like that keep passing through my mind. I've thought back to the day I came back from Christmas vacation and you surprised me by showing up on my doorstep with flowers telling me how much you had missed me. And of course the day you surprised me with Holly. The trip to the conservatory, you were so excited to share your love of art with me. Someone who appreciates it as much as you do. And I'll never forget the day I thought I was "dying". Who knew we would laugh so hard about it later? Halloween was a blast last year. We were still getting to know each other and you may have even been caught dancing with me! But I guess I should know about sneaky dancing moves -- like when you caught me in that photo busting a move in your new house before you bought it. Seeing that cracks me up everytime.

I will hold on to those memories and all of the others stored in my heart. I could never hate you. I may yell, scream, cry, and curse the world but I will never hate you. You know how I feel about you. I've said it a million times. I wish things could be different. I really do.

Love,
Michelle

*stolen from Jenni

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"Faith in Love" Reba McEntire & Rascal Flatts duet

You felt this coming on, you've seen it for a while.
But there are no regrets between us, we can leave here with a smile.
We have to talk about it, what we've always known.
The hardest part about today, is tonight we'll be alone.

We were just two hearts, bound for different roads.
Why they didn't lead us to forever, we may never know.
Oh, I will carry you with me,
I will hold on to our memories.
Don't let the dreams we didn't find make you feel like giving up.
Keep holding on and don't lose your faith in love.

Life's gonna move on and the pages have to turn.
We'll be stronger people now, from the lessons that we learned.
This one's gonna hurt, it's a little deeper break.
But just know I'm praying for you, as I watch you walk away.

It can hold you, it can save you.
From anything or anyone.
Heaven knows who's waiting for you, when two herts come undone.
Oh I will carry you with me,
I will hold on to our memories.
Don't let the dreams we didn't find make you feel like giving up.
Keep holding on, and don't lose your faith.
Oh, never, ever lose your faith in love.