Monday, August 20, 2007

A Wedding Before The Snow Flies

Yes, wedding bells are ringing. No, not mine. Thought I was getting hitched for a minute didn't you? Actually that would be MY MOTHER. My mother is getting married TO A GUY I HAVEN'T MET. This was the beginning of our conversation yesterday:

Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "Hi Shell, do you guys need any furniture?"
Me: "No. (pause) Wait, what furniture?" (I'm always looking for free stuff!)
Mom: "Well, anything in my house."
Me: "Whyyyy?"
Mom: "Because I'm moving in with Jim."
Me: "......."
Mom: "Well is there anything you need?"
Me: "You're MOVING IN WITH HIM?! WHY?!" (This was me trying to be supportive can you tell?)
Mom: "Because we're going to get married soon."
Me: "OK. Mom, you know I love you and all and wouldn't think any less of you if this actually happened, but ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
Mom: "When you know, you know Michelle."
Me: "I agree, but you promised that you wouldn't get married again before me. You're not allowed to get married twice before I get married once."
Mom: "You'll have your time sweetie. But we have to get married before the snow flies."
Me: "What? Why?"
Mom: "Because he plows in the winter."

I am a terrible daughter. I want to be happy for her. I really, truly do. She's talked to me about Jim over the past month (yes only one month) that they've been dating and I can see how in love they are just by what she tells me. But I'm worried about her, afraid that she'll get hurt, and most of all I'm jealous.


Jealous that she's so in love and giddy and acting 16 again. Jealous that she has someone so in love with her who's talked about marrying her since their 2nd date. Jealous that she has a more active social life than I do at 25. Jealous that they take romantic boat rides on the water, picnics on the beach, and walks along the creek. Jealous that he makes sure he sees her every night before midnight because he can't go a day without being with her.

My mom has been there for me through a lot these past few years. We really didn't have a good relationship until after my parents divorced when I was in college. Now I think of her not only as my mother, but as a friend and a confidant. When Clancy and I moved in together pretty early in our relationship, she didn't say anything but "I'm so happy for you." Why can't I do the same for her?

My dad has been remarried for 2 years now. It's not the step-parent thing that bothers me. I figured that both of my parents would remarry eventually, and I'm OK with that. I just want her to think things through. Our conversation lasted a long time after what I wrote earlier, and I told her everything I was feeling. She understands, but she really thinks she knows that they're meant to be together. How can I argue with that? Love is a wonderful thing and I don't want to ruin that feeling for her. She's living the fairytale that every girl dreams of. I don't want to be the big bad wolf and huff and puff and blow her high hopes down. I'm always the realist, the pessimist when giving advice in situations like this.

For once I'm just going to take it all in, smile, and say "Mom, I'm so glad you found someone that makes you so happy. I love you."

I guess this means I'll have a step-father before the snow hits this year. Definitely didn't see that one coming.


almosthonest said...

I understand how you feel....I loved your conversation with your mom...and the whole snow aspect of

Tina Vaziri said...

Both of my parents have way more of a social/dating life than I do or ever did. Both of my parents remarried after they divorced, and then both divorced again. And now in October I'll be going to my dad's third wedding! Aah! Parent's are crazy, but we love them.

DG said...

It's always funny when you realize that your parents are real people with real emotions and real issues. Try to be happy for your mom and not show any ill feelings because it will probably just create a rift ;)

kwarterlifecrisis said...

The same thing kind of happened with my dad. He met a woman and then all the sudden (ok, it was like after 8 months BUT STILL) she moved in and they got married. I now have two step-brothers, one of whom I have never even met. Crazy, huh?! Parents. Sheesh. :)

molly said...

Oh hunnie. I hear you. It's so hard to adjust to stuff like that. Even though my parents have been divorced since I was 10, it's still weird when someone new comes into the picture.


Michelle said...

thanks for all the support guys :)

i really needed it. it's sad to admit that you're jealous of your own mother. but i am really happy for her and i got to talk on the phone last night to the new beau and he seems like a great guy.

blogging said... about a lot to deal with unexpectedly! it is kinda jarring to realize that parents are just people too, trying to do their best and make their way in life-just like us.

hang in there babe. :)

libby said...

wow. that IS a lot to process - :S but kudos to you for taking the high road and being happy for her. Look at it this way - things in your life are just grand as is, too. Why rush your mom to the altar? lol. But hopefully Jim and you get along when you do meet!

Clink said...

Oh man, that cannot be easy.

I agree with DG - it's so bizarre when you realize that your parents are real people. It's like "uh, can't you guys just go back to being the do-no-wrong people I idolized back in the day? Thanks."

Princess Pointful said...

I don't think you should beat yourself up too much from you reaction... I was feeling the same way! My little sister seems to move in with guys really quick, and while everyone else is all smiles, I'm like "Damn, slow down!"
It must have been stressful having your parents split up when you were in college. It is at that age that you kind of take it for granted that they are forever.

Anna said...

Hi, found you when leaving a comment on the casual perfectionist, but I work with Molly--small web world, eh?

You posts are hilarious, and wow, so sorry about your mom's surprise announcement, that must be tough. Hope you have had some time to adjust!

mcgee said...

i can relate with how you felt when you wrote this. both of my parents are remarried too. when my mom and stepdad decided they were getting married, they'd only been dating for a FEW MONTHS. but my mom reasoned that her age, she knew it was right and there was no reason for them to wait.

and my stepdad actually asked my sister and i's permission before he proposed to my mom, which really meant a lot to us because OBVIOUSLY...he didn't have to do that.

Maria said...

It's okay to be jealous of your mother.

I think you were just caught up in the suddenness as well, which makes it harder to be happy for her. It seems so romantic, getting married after a month, and that's where the jealousy would come in- that your mother would have something so romantic.