Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I Had The Time Of My Life And I Owe It All To You

How weird that this is my horoscope for today:

Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
You may be annoyed today because you really need to go deeper into a painful memory, but you would rather avoid the issue altogether. Your first choice is to keep it light and easy. You might even try to distract yourself by doing something exciting, but you really do need to do some inner work. Sink into your own hidden watery world and touch the magic of emotional transformation.

I don't really believe in those things, but that's just too weird.

So, first full night of sleep last night since Friday. Which was nice, but only until I woke up next to reality in the morning. Do you ever have that happen to you? You'll have something going on in your life that really sucks or is depressing, you go to sleep like nothing's wrong, but wake up and remember? It's like going through the pain all over again. I'm telling you if you have never experienced that - it sucks. It sort of reminds me of the movie with Sandra Bullock I saw not too long ago. I can't remember the name of it now dammit. But basically some days she wakes up and her husband's lying next to her and other days she wakes up in an empty bed only to remember he's dead. My situation is not that dramatic, but it just reminded me of her character's realization.

I have come to my own realization over the past few days that I have an annoying weakness - I constantly need reassurance and/or resolution. This only becomes a problem when the person you need it from most can't give it to you. I don't want to rehash the whole issue online, but I do have one thing to say: When you know, you know. There should be no doubt in your mind, especially when it comes to love. Otherwise it's just not fair to all those involved. I wish I could have said that to my mom about 5 or 6 years ago when she drug my dad through an awful point in his life. I can't deal with the feeling of being unsure for a few days, let alone what he went through for years on end.

Ok, enough about that. On to last weekend's Erie trip. It began on a sad note, but many good ones followed. After trying to sleep through everything Saturday morning I went on a shopping venture with Jenn. This girl has been my shoulder to cry on for over a year and I thank her so much for her patience and listening ears. Shopping is always my remedy to pretty much anything, but I notice the more I need to forget about, the more $$ I'm spending. Funny how that works. We went to my favorite store, B. Moss, and I got some new clothes for work, a purse I didn't need, and a shirt I couldn't live without. Then stopped at Journeys and got a cute pair of sandals - shoes have become my new best friend. We met Christina for a late lunch at Applebees soon after that. It was nice to catch up, vent about life, and most importantly - LAUGH. I love my friends, just wish they lived closer :( After our lengthy "lunch", I visited my mom until around 8. My aunt and grandma stopped by, my aunt's visit was extremely brief due to her temper tantrum that made her squeal out of the driveway. Her issue wasn't with me, but regardless of that she acted childish. Then off to my dad's for gamenight with him, my stepmom Laurann, my stepsister Jill, and her on-again/off-again beau Jeremy. We played Loaded Questions & Apples to Apples. I found out that my dad had stolen a slot machine once from some camp, which we all thought was pretty impressive.

Sunday I was woken up by Joanne after sleeping in late AGAIN (which I hardly ever do on the weekends). Must be reliving my high school days since I was at my dad's! Anyways, we chatted for a couple hours and then my dad grilled burgers. The four hour trip home was half singing along to the radio and half thinking in silence. It was really refreshing, but giving yourself a dose of reality can be tough.

Hopefully I'll be making a trip home again soon, I miss my family a lot. Wish Erie was as close as Clancy's hometown. That trip never seems too long.

Back to the grind. Maybe Anna's later tonight, and So You Think You Can Dance is back with a new episode tomorrow!!

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