That Time I (Unknowingly) Met A Country Singer*

Scene: My friend and I are walking up to the bar, excited to see a concert of one of my favorite country singers, Craig Morgan. Enter, Guy on Motorcycle (GOM)

GOM: Hey ladies, what's going on here tonight?

Friend: Craig Morgan is having a concert.

GOM: What does he sing?

Both of us: Country music.

GOM: I know, I meant what songs?

(Friend looks at me to answer, since I am the semi-obsessed fan)

Me: Little Bit of Life, International Harvester, God Must Really Love Me

GOM: I see. Hope you girls have a good time!

(We continue on to the entrance of the bar where we see a few security guys chuckling.)

Bouncer: Did you ladies know the guy on the bike?

(We shake our heads no.)

Bouncer: Yeah... that was Craig Morgan.

---

Wow. I have never felt like a bigger dumbass.

Although, in my defense he had on a rather large helmet and aviator sunglasses. And I've only seen him on album covers!

Not as exciting as Katelin meeting Joshua Jackson and announcing her surprise engagement, but I have to work with what I got folks.







Maybe the bouncers were pulling our legs. But really, what male country singer wouldn't approach two ladies who got all dolled up for his concert? :)



*And Was Nearly Trampled For A Guitar Pick

Subtle Hint?

[Scene: Discussing an up and coming young professional here in town that is up for an award]

Me: So is he hot? (I have my priorities)
J: I've never met him but I've heard he's a really nice guy
Me: *nodding in approval*
J: But that's not your type now is it?

Hmmm. I wonder if he's trying to tell me something...

He may have a point.

Invisible Spider? No, Invincible.

Scene: Leaving Clancy's last night, walking towards the front door.

[both of us see a spider at the same time on the glass window of the front door, and glance at each other. each knowing the other is afraid of it.]

Michelle: Don't look at me, I'm not killing it!

Clancy: [does the manly thing even though he hates spiders and attempts to kill it with a shoe from the closet]

[spider falls to the ground, dead]

Michelle: Did you get it, did you get it?!

Clancy: Yeah, I think so.

[we both look down, spider scurries across floor]

Michelle: He's not dead! [begins stepping on it with the shoes on her feet]

[after each squishing attempt, we look at spider and watch for any sign of life. spider waits until we look away and begins, rather slowly, trying to escape. again]

Clancy: He must be sneaking into the spaces where the tread on your shoe is.

Michelle: [lifts leg and turns foot over to inspect tread on shoe. no tread exists.]

[puzzled looks pass between us]

Michelle: Seriously?! This spider is invisible.

Clancy: I think you mean invincible honey. Because if he was invisible, he would be damn near impossible to kill.

Michelle: [giggles embarrassingly] OK, let's just kill the damn thing.

Clancy: [grabs extra piece of wood trim from closet, bludgeons the spider to pieces]

Michelle: [inspecting the spider parts on ground] Very convincing spider, but you don't fool me!

[pretty sure spider is dead, but will check back tomorrow]

You Said What?

Yes, I was laughed at a few weeks ago when I used the phrase "it's a horse a piece" in reference to taking one route instead of another. I swear I've said this on more than one occasion, but that's neither here nor there (hah!).

"A horse a piece" means six of one, half dozen of another. In other words, two things that are basically the same. I haven't the slightest where I picked this up, but now I find myself saying it all the time. Odd looks haven't stopped me.

Am I the only 25 year old using this ancient phrase? What funny expressions do you say or find odd?

Edit- So I thought of a few more I've heard/said before on the way to work this morning:
Par for the course
The whole shebang
Ups-a-daisy
Once in a blue moon
Get 'er done
See ya later alligator

Hanging Out With Married People...

...made me laugh so hard I almost peed.

---

SCENE
Saturday night. At Anna & Jeremy's house. Rumbling tummys. Pizza? Chicken wings? We think so.

Anna (on the phone with Pizza Hut): We'd like to place an order for delivery.

(Insert back and forth banter here about what's on the pizza. Yes, we want deep dish. Blah, blah.)

Anna (responding to what kind of chicken wings we wanted): Bone-out.

(Jeremy and I glance at each other. Silently expressing the hilarity of what she just said. Slight giggling.)

Me (whispering): Anna, I think you mean boneless!

(Laughter breaks out. Who knew ordering chicken wings could be so provocative?)

---

Well, OK - it was funny to us. We have the maturity level of teenagers, what can I say?

In case you were wondering, we ordered plain ole pepperoni. But I enjoy Hawaiian as well (ham, pinneapple, cinnamon). Or an all meat pizza. Sausage is pretty much the best topping ever. Last night it was a Garlic Chicken and Bacon stuffed pizza from Papa Murphys. What can I say, I like pizza.

What do you like on yours?

The Definition of Consumerism In America

Last night we had a slice of Godiva^® chocolate Cheesecake Factory^® cheesecake which was purchased at Starbucks^® inside of a Barnes & Noble^® bookstore.

Is this country defined by brand names or what?


Then we get in the car and these lyrics were playing:

She tucks her Paul Mitchell^® hair under her John Deere^® cap
Hides Victoria's Secret^® under those jeans
-from Craig Morgan's "My Kind of Woman"

And we just had to laugh.

Predictability

I walked into my townhouse last night, went upstairs and changed out of my work clothes into something a little more comfy. As I closed my bedroom door and turned around I could see that my cats were sitting at the foot of my computer chair, looking straight at me, anxiously awaiting my arrival. I chuckled to myself. Am I that predictable?

"Actually girls, I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy," I said. (So there! Think you know me...)

Yes, I talk to my cats. Don't judge!

Confidence Boost

I was crossing the street from the parking garage yesterday on the way to work (dressed in my cute new jacket of course!) and a guy decked out in his professional attire was walking across the street and actually stopped in his tracks, did a double take and then said

"Excuse me, miss? I just wanted to say that you look really nice this morning."

I first questioned if he was actually talking to me, but then replied with a thank you and kept walking. Wait what? I kept walking? Smooth move Michelle. You're going to be really good at this.

A Simple Explanation

Yesterday, via Google chat.

Me: i mean it's his day off. why hasn't he called me?
Sarah: BECAUSE HE BROKE UP WITH YOU
Me: details, details

---

Currently cycling through my playlist:
(Thought I'd share my own list of the music that has made me smile, cry, laugh, and want him back all within the same hour. Also, thank you to everyone who shared their breakup playlists with me. Some of those songs have really helped.)

Janis Joplin - Piece of My Heart
Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah. And didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can? Honey, you know I did! And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough. But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough. I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it. Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah.
--Not that there's much left of it.

Rascal Flatts - Winner at a Losing Game
Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Tryin' to make somebody care for you the way I do is like tryin' to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losin' game.
--Exactly my life or what?

Garth Brooks - More Than a Memory
People say he's* only in my head. Gonna take time but I'll forget. Say I need to get on with my life. What they don't realize is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone. Driving cross town just to see if he's* home. Waking a friend in the dead of the night just to hear her* say it'll be alright. When you're finding things to do at night, not fall asleep. Know he* will be there in your dreams. That's when he's* more than a memory.
--Time. That's what everyone keeps telling me. Why do I still see his face when I close my eyes?

Joshua Radin - Only You
Looking from the window above. It's like a story of love. Can you hear me? Came back only yesterday. Who went further away. Want you near me. All I needed was the love you gave. All I needed for another day. And all I ever knew. Only you.
--...will make me happy again.

Ben Harper - Another Lonely Day
Wish there was something I could say or do. I can resist anything but temptation from you. But I'd rather walk alone than chase you around. I'd rather fall myself than let you drag me down.
--Ben I think you've read my mind.

Roy Orbison - Crying
But it's true, so true. I love you even more than I did before. But darling, what can I do? For you don't love me and I'll always be crying over you, crying over you. Yes now you're gone and from this moment on, I'll be crying over you.
--Some days it feels like the crying will never end.

Tricia Yearwood - Heaven, Heartache and the Power of Love
And my old flame said "I hate to break it to you darlin' I was born the leavin' kind." Left me standin' in the dark cryin' why baby, why baby, why? I've got to keep lovin' and livin' and learnin' and burnin', movin' on down the road.
--"Why?" won't leave my head.

Jack Johnson - Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
Well if I was in your position I'd put down all my ammunition. I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long. But Lord knows that I'm not you. And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel 'cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do. Now I was sitting waiting wishing that you believed in superstitions. Then maybe you'd see the signs. But Lord knows that this world is cruel and I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool. And in loving somebody don't make them love you.
--No, no it doesn't. Jack, you are right on.

Sugarland - Something More
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate. I believe that happiness is something we create. You best believe that I'm not gonna wait. 'Cause there's gotta be something more.
--There's gotta be something more to life than heartache. Right?

Joe Nichols - Brokenheartsville
Here's to the past, they can kiss my glass. I hope he's* happy with her*. Here's to the boy*, who wrecked my world, that angel who did me in.
--And by her I mean the imaginary future her. Whoever she is, I hate her.

Dierks Bentley - Every Mile A Memory
Every mile, a memory; every song, another scene. From some old movie going back in time you and me. Every day, a page turned down; every night, a lonesome sound. Like a freight train rollin' through my dreams.
--My mind has been taking me back. It's like a movie playing every night in my dreams, hoping that when I wake up he'll be lying next to me.

Brad Paisley - Ticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers. I'd like to check you for ticks.
--Not really related to breakups, but it makes me smile every time I hear it. And the fact that I still have this text message saved: "I'd like to check YOU for ticks ;)"


*Pronouns were changed to fit my situation. Joe Nichols and Garth Brooks are not homosexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that of course.

---

And thanks Clink for your post today. It made me realize that there is a love like that out there somewhere waiting for me, small fights and all.

Beware Of The Sleepwalker

Phone conversation between Clancy & I yesterday afternoon:

---

C: Hi babe. Do you remember getting up in the middle of the night last night?
M: (Chuckling) No. What did I do?
C: You walked over to the window, the shades were still pulled down, and you made this ... noise ... you know like the one you made yesterday when you swallowed the ice cube*. You stood there for like 30 seconds or so. I kept saying "What? What?" but you didn't respond. Then you crawled back in bed and I asked again "What is WRONG with you?". And you told me "You wouldn't understand."

---

The last time I sleepwalked was when I was six years old, so I found this pretty amusing. Clancy ... not so much. He now believes that he needs to hide his pocket knife so that I don't unknowingly try to kill him in his sleep. Come on, I'm harmless ;)

*Yes I'm a dumbass and swallowed an ice cube while at Cedar Point on Sunday. It hurt like hell and felt like glass - I am SO NOT exaggerating.

To The Fourth Power

Before I get to this meme business I just want to state for the record that I am a little disappointed by the new Rascal Flatts CD. Now if you don't already know I am a HUGE fan (you can read about that HERE), so obviously I ran out first thing yesterday morning to Wal-Mart. I almost had a minor heart attack because where. were. the. new. CDs?! I couldn't find them anywhere. I tracked down a sales associate and asked.

---

Me: "Hi, do you have the new Rascal Flatts CD?"
Sales Guy: "Uh...like...I haven't taken them out of the boxes yet." (rolls eyes)
Me: (holding back from strangling him) "Well, do you think I could have one?"
Sales Guy: (huge sigh) "I guess. Do you want the one with the free DVD or just the CD?"

---

Did that whole process need to take that long? I think not. Obviously I wanted one jackass. Do you mind getting a move on because I made this trip before work and now I could be running a little late due to my Rascal Flatts obsession kthanksbye.

Anyway, back to the CD. Of course Take Me There is the best song ever, so the CD isn't all that bad. I still get goosebumps every time I listen to it! Also, Bob That Head and Still Feels Good are highly recommended by yours truly. The rest? Eh. Their best CD in my opinion is still Me & My Gang that came out last year. Any other Rascal fans out there? What did you guys think of it?

::MEME TIME::

I was TAGGED to complete this meme by two of my favorite bloggers - KLC & Libby. Here you go girls!

Four Jobs I Have Had In My Life

1. Sales Associate - Kids R Us
   
2. Department Supervisor - Babies R Us (Yes, I worked for the "R Us" company for about 7 years. I know I'm crazy!)
   
3. Director of Media for a gym franchise (basically a graphic designer with a fancier title)
   
4. Graphic Designer at a law firm

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over

1. Finding Nemo
   
2. Hitch
   
3. Mean Girls
   
4. Parent Trap

Four TV Shows I Like To Watch

1. Sex & the City
   
2. Reba
   
3. Beauty & the Geek
   
4. Reaper (we watched the first episode last night and it's actually really funny!)

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation

1. Florida
   
2. The Mall of America - Minnesota
   
3. Maine
   
4. St. Louis

Four Favorite Foods

1. Cheesecake
   
2. Lobster/Crab
   
3. French fries with ranch
   
4. Tatertot Casserole

Four Websites I Visit Daily

1. Gmail
   
2. Facebook
   
3. Myspace
   
4. All the blogs listed to the left

Four Places I Would Rather Be

1. Home in bed, snuggling with my Clance
   
2. Easton Towne Center - shopping!
   
3. In front of the TV & reading a book (what can I say, I like to multitask!)
   
4. Erie visiting my friends and family!

Four Bloggers I Am Tagging

1. Rachel
   
2. Elysa
   
3. Alynda
   
4. Lisa squared (cuz I heart you both!)

And anyone else who wants in on the fun!

Just Call Me A Sucker

School is back in session, so guess what that means? Fundraising. All those little kiddies going door to door sporting their puppy dog eyes and pursed bottom lips. Ringing your doorbell wanting you to spend your hard earned cash on candles, wrapping paper and of course, food.

I tend to have a problem turning these kids away. Candy bars? Sure! I'll take 100. 10% off at all my favorite local shops? Sign me up! I mean really, whoever thought up the idea to send their students door to door to raise money for after-school programs was a genius. Because really, what kind of horrible person would you be to slam the door in their precious faces?!

It's Friday night, Clancy and I are eating dinner (in the living room watching TV because who uses the kitchen table nowadays?). The doorbell rings and he looks at me as if to say "Well, I'm in my boxers so you'll have to get it." I open the door and there are two little girls standing on my front porch clip boards in hand. I'm thinking to myself "Oh shit this is going to cost me."

I shut the door behind me to shield them from the barking dogs and they begin their speech. I flip through the catalogues (yes plural) and tell them sure I'll buy a cheesecake (my weakness!), let me grab my checkbook. I come back and am asked "Which one of us are you going to buy from?" Yes, they were going to make me choose. Are you kidding? They were basically asking me to rip one of their little hearts out and stomp on it. I tell them why don't they take turns with sales, because there is no way I'm going to buy MORE. That seems to be a reasonable answer and they happily walk away with a check for $18. FOR A CHEESECAKE.

I know Clancy won't say anything about me buying from the kids, because he is the same way. Between the two of us we've probably forked over close to $100 on fundraisers so far this year. It's like the kids we bought from a few weeks ago spread the word about the new people on the block. I can hear the conversations in the lunch room now:

---

"Seriously guys they can't say no. Just make sure to go in groups so they'll buy from everyone!".

"Which house was it again?"

"The one that was empty forever. Where those mean people used to live." (that's really what the little girls said when I asked if they would remember which house it was)

---

Yes, I'm a sucker. I'll admit it. But I will have a delicious strawberry swirl cheesecake to show for it.

Agnostitarians?

Warning: This post is not intended to offend anyone. I respect a person's religious beliefs no matter what they are. It's the hippie liberal in me.

Clancy and I were lounging for a little while after dinner last night watching TV. A commercial came on about Kosher food. It showed an illustration diagram of a cow the front half was labeled "Kosher" and the back half "Non-Kosher".

---

Me: "So what does Kosher mean anyways and why is the butt-half of the cow considered non-Kosher?"

C: "I thought Kosher had something to do with the way the meat was processed, but I'm not really sure why that half of the cow wouldn't be Kosher and the other half would."

C: "You know I saw a symbol once and I was curious what it meant so I looked it up. It's a U with a circle around it and the letters p-a-r-e-v-e after it. It means that the food was blessed by a rabbi. It's on a lot of products, too, you'd be surprised."

Me: "I don't want to eat blessed food. So I have been unknowingly eating blessed food?"

C: "Well you know we could become Agnostitarians and only eat non-blessed food. I bet we could get a huge following behind us."

---

A Wedding Before The Snow Flies

Yes, wedding bells are ringing. No, not mine. Thought I was getting hitched for a minute didn't you? Actually that would be MY MOTHER. My mother is getting married TO A GUY I HAVEN'T MET. This was the beginning of our conversation yesterday:

---

Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "Hi Shell, do you guys need any furniture?"
Me: "No. (pause) Wait, what furniture?" (I'm always looking for free stuff!)
Mom: "Well, anything in my house."
Me: "Whyyyy?"
Mom: "Because I'm moving in with Jim."
Me: "......."
Mom: "Well is there anything you need?"
Me: "You're MOVING IN WITH HIM?! WHY?!" (This was me trying to be supportive can you tell?)
Mom: "Because we're going to get married soon."
Me: "OK. Mom, you know I love you and all and wouldn't think any less of you if this actually happened, but ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
Mom: "When you know, you know Michelle."
Me: "I agree, but you promised that you wouldn't get married again before me. You're not allowed to get married twice before I get married once."
Mom: "You'll have your time sweetie. But we have to get married before the snow flies."
Me: "What? Why?"
Mom: "Because he plows in the winter."

---

I am a terrible daughter. I want to be happy for her. I really, truly do. She's talked to me about Jim over the past month (yes only one month) that they've been dating and I can see how in love they are just by what she tells me. But I'm worried about her, afraid that she'll get hurt, and most of all I'm jealous.

I'M. JEALOUS. OF. MY. MOTHER.

Jealous that she's so in love and giddy and acting 16 again. Jealous that she has someone so in love with her who's talked about marrying her since their 2nd date. Jealous that she has a more active social life than I do at 25. Jealous that they take romantic boat rides on the water, picnics on the beach, and walks along the creek. Jealous that he makes sure he sees her every night before midnight because he can't go a day without being with her.

My mom has been there for me through a lot these past few years. We really didn't have a good relationship until after my parents divorced when I was in college. Now I think of her not only as my mother, but as a friend and a confidant. When Clancy and I moved in together pretty early in our relationship, she didn't say anything but "I'm so happy for you." Why can't I do the same for her?

My dad has been remarried for 2 years now. It's not the step-parent thing that bothers me. I figured that both of my parents would remarry eventually, and I'm OK with that. I just want her to think things through. Our conversation lasted a long time after what I wrote earlier, and I told her everything I was feeling. She understands, but she really thinks she knows that they're meant to be together. How can I argue with that? Love is a wonderful thing and I don't want to ruin that feeling for her. She's living the fairytale that every girl dreams of. I don't want to be the big bad wolf and huff and puff and blow her high hopes down. I'm always the realist, the pessimist when giving advice in situations like this.

For once I'm just going to take it all in, smile, and say "Mom, I'm so glad you found someone that makes you so happy. I love you."

I guess this means I'll have a step-father before the snow hits this year. Definitely didn't see that one coming.