Thursday, January 17, 2008

Then & Now

Then: I enjoyed the comfort of living in my parents' home. The stability. The security. Being on my own was a very scary far-into-the-future thought.
Now: I couldn't imagine not having my independence. Taking care of myself and knowing I need not depend on anyone else is the most empowering feeling in the world.

Then: I kept everyone close to me at a safe [emotional] distance. I let my relationships float on the surface while all my emotions and feelings were hidden below.
Now: My friends and family are my closest confidants. They are people I trust, love and can have deep, meaningful conversations with.

Then: Meeting new people was intimidating. Large social situations were not my cup of tea to say the least.
Now: While I'm no social butterfly, I am not as afraid of being put in an unfamiliar social setting. Surprisingly, blogging has helped me with this the most. As well as my new found confidence.

Then: I let love define me. My relationships were my world. My be all, end all.
Now: I have learned to love myself. I know that the partner I choose to spend the rest of my life with will enhance what I already have, not define it.

Then: I had a hard time trusting people and taking their word as truth for fear of getting hurt.
Now: I know without trust, a relationship has nothing to stand on. I trust until given a reason not to. In my opinion, it's worth the risk.

Then: My uptight personality kept me from being carefree. I was afraid to travel. Afraid to try new things. Change was my bitter enemy.
Now: I feel like the possibilities are endless. I will only live one life, why not live it to the fullest?!

Then: I would have married my high school "sweetheart". I would have settled for less than I knew I deserved to have love (even unfulfilling love) in my life.
Now: I know I can make it on my own. I will not settle for anything less than butterflies. And of course, chemistry.

Then: I was heartbroken. Moved on with my life, found strength and a whole lot of confidence in myself.
Now: I still have that strength and confidence. I will hold on tight to those qualities and never let go. I am ready and willing to give our love another try. And excited about what is to come.

56 comments:

ttcmb said...

I like this post. Sounds like you have grown up.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Then: I loved ice cream and jerking off.

Now: I've found ice cream to be overrated.

Susie said...

I love this. You're awesome. I feel like we have a lot of the same "Then and Nows."

Yay for us :)

Slightly Disorganized said...

good for you. you gotta get through the hard to get to the good. You've come so far my dear. so far.

Anonymous said...
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Hope said...

There is so much strength and growth in this post. I am so proud and happy for you! :)

nicoleantoinette said...

Self reflection is the best. You are stronger every day, I swear.

ana said...

You have come a long way since....

Princess Pointful said...

Great post.
Don't you wish you could go back in time just a little?

Miss A said...

This is such an uplifting post, thanks for putting a smile on my dial!

And I'm proud that you're saying those things AND believing them. You should be proud of yourself Michelle :-)

xx

dreamgirl said...

i like this. i needed something uplifting this morning! thank you :)

The Smarter Princess said...

Thanks for the smile. It sounds like you are really growing up and loving yourself. So when will that happen to me?? :-)

lspoon said...

I love to recognize the areas in which I've grown up. :)

stilettoheights said...

this was great to read, very open and honest, there should be more of that in bloglandia

Jess said...

This is a great post. I'm glad that now is so much better than then! You deserve this happiness and confidence.

La said...

Self-evolving - ain't it grand?

:)

Virginia said...

"I feel like the possibilities are endless. I will only live one life, why not live it to the fullest?!"

AMEN! You are so strong, Michelle. Look at how you've grown and changed and found yourself! It is amazing. You rock.

sassafras said...

Very nicely done.

Should I be reading into the last one as much as I am?

Stacie said...

Beautiful post.

Michelle said...

sassafras - i was beginning to wonder if people weren't reading that last paragraph. i try to be subtle ;)

Marriage-101 said...

So proud of you! But, um, what's up with that last one? I'm confused.

ChasingParadise said...

Wait a second, are you and your ex having another go at it?

Whoa momma!

You've come a long way, Michelle. I haven't known you long enough to say I'm proud of you, but what the hell, I am!

Nic said...

This is an awesome post. Thank you for sharing it.

Rebecca said...

Yay. Glad to see you are positive and excited about the future. The best is always yet to come.

sassafras said...

Awww...so happy to see you excited!

As my prize I demand FULL DETAILS. ;)

Hiya, I'm Kristie. said...

Being a grownup is tough work, but so so so worth it.

Valerie said...

Isn't it crazy how our priorities/opinions do a complete 180 sometimes? I find that fascinating.

Dijea said...

Amazing how good it feels to know what you want, and who you are. Its an amazing accomplishment that not everyone achieves.

Enjoy yourself and those around you.

Tina Vaziri said...

These are the best kinds of realizations.

Banana said...

My dad said to me when I was about 16, and was sure I knew everything, "Do you remember what you knew when you were 15? Think about all of the stuff you know now that you're 16. In just one year you've grown so much, think about how much further you have to go." Even at 16 I understood. I think about this a lot, when I'm sure my career is never going to go where I want it, or I'm trying to hurry on to the next life stage. We've got along way to go.

Banana said...
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Angela said...

How far you've come!! Doesn't it just make you so excited to see what the future holds? :)

So@24 said...

"Then: found strength and a whole lot of confidence in myself.
Now: I still have that strength and confidence."

Good to see that some things stay consistent over time, yeah? :)

Lisa said...

I feel like I've been reading you forever. July, right? You've grown so much since. Makes me strangely proud even though I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Haha. It's been great reading along with you though.

distractedspunk said...

Um. "Our love another try?"

SPILL the details woman!

Samantha said...

Very sweet post :)

Anonymous said...
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Katelin said...

I love this post Michelle. Looking back and looking forward just shows how much you are capable of, love it!

L Sass said...

I think the amazing thing is that a year from now, you'll be even further along!

Wendy said...

I hope that when I'm your age I know myself as well as you know yourself. :)

Nicole said...

I love this!! YOU TOTALLY ROCK!

xoxo, Nicole.

PrincessPolly said...

Great post, I think it just sums up what growing up and learning from your mistakes is all about. :)

reddirtroad said...

"Then: I let love define me. My relationships were my world. My be all, end all.
Now: I have learned to love myself. I know that the partner I choose to spend the rest of my life with will enhance what I already have, not define it."

I love that. Well said.

Damsel in Digress said...

hey michelle!

this post was so great. it's amazing to compare ourselves with the theNselves and see how much we've changed and - hopefully - grown =) which it definitely sounds like you have. and the high school sweetheart thing? me too, oh my gosh me too.

let's just say hallelujah THAT never happened.

it's almost friiiiiday. hooray!

pbandrazz said...

I love how strong and confident you are sounding these days - rock on!

Yoda said...

"I know that the partner I choose to spend the rest of my life with will enhance what I already have."

By 'enhance' you mean fabulous sex? Yes?

:-p

1218Blog said...

It seems you are on your way to a new chapter and rekindled relationship. Good luck!

just me said...

now THAT'S positive.


You deserve a cookie.

ashley said...

I think that we should all have a post like this one. It really does allow us to see the changes we've made. I love this.

Passionista said...

Isn't it great to look back and see how far you've come? Congrats!

heidikins said...

Look at you; Ms. Confidence.

Congrats darling!
xox

Maxie said...

I second searching for chemistry. No more settling.

pinksundrops said...

Love love this post! ashley's right we all should do a post like this to see our changes!

pinksundrops said...

Love love this post! ashley's right we all should do a post like this to see our changes!

rachel said...

I'm a little behind on reading these because work is a little hectic right now...but could you please elaborate on the last then and now if you have time? It sounds very interesting....

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Like Rachel, I've fallen woefully behind in my post-reading. I loved this one though. It's nice to do those side-by-side comparisons to see just how far we've grown.