Thursday, January 31, 2008

Exposed.

I spent most of my life hiding behind an "image". A put-together disguise that hid all of my fears, emotions and insecurities.

When I was younger, it was the goody-two-shoes image. Perfect student. Perfect grade point average. I didn't do drugs, drink or stay out late. It was easy to hide behind mounds of homework, the computer screen, or a sketchpad.

In college, it was the overachiever image. Staying up all hours of the night finishing a graphic design project. Detail-oriented on the verge of obsessive compulsive. It was easy to hide behind my perfected portfolio, black foam core boards and an exacto knife.

In my early twenties, it was the go-getter image. Looking for a job in my field until it killed me. I couldn't wait to start my career and see what my future had in store. It was easy to hide behind the newspaper, my repeatedly redesigned resume, and monster.com.

Since I started blogging, I feel more exposed than ever before. I'm not hiding behind a glorified image for fear of dealing with real emotions. I have just begun the journey of self-discovery and it's thrilling. I may not put everything out there for the world to see, but blogging has allowed me to open up beyond the boundaries of the world wide web.

But what I do put out there, I'm glad you all are there listening reading.

So, blogging wars? Whaddya say, truce?

51 comments:

Libby said...

i missed it all! darn head cold! but i'm bewildered at it all and i concur. to each her own indeed. i'm just going to retreat into my own little bubble now.

ttcmb said...

I agree with you about the blog wars. Blogging has let me open up to people in a way that I haven't been about to in a long time. Somehow, finding the courage to write for strangers has given me more courage with the people in my life.

Scotty said...

Bloggin has left me more exposed than I would have ever thought.

Its definitely a good thing, I have found that I am more comfortable with me. And that, makes me happy.

tiff said...

blogging wars?? What did I miss?

Glad you're putting yourself out there and liking what you find. I think your 20s is all about discovering exactly who has been hiding underneath it all, all along.

xoxo

brandy said...

Yep, I am completely down with ending it all. It's just such an energy zapper- and I'm not even in one, I just read it.

Lisa said...

To be perfectly honest, I was oblivious that something was going on. I'm pretty sure I STILL don't know what's going on exactly, but oh, who cares. A truce sounds great. Let's all gather round and sing kumbaya.

Ashley said...

I am the same way, I usually hide whats really going on with me and for the first time in a while, i've let that guard down, even if its just on the blog. Scares me and empowers me at the same time.

I'm with lisa, kumbaya sounds like a good idea to me!

Andrea said...

Just remember if you're on the web, nothing is private. Prospective employers and prospective friends, lovers, and the the like can find you too. So make sure you'd be cool with what you're writing being on the front page of the New York Times, because you just never know who is going to stumble across you to your detriment or betterment

PrincessPolly said...

i don't really know what has been going on either re; blogging wars but i can hazard a guess. And you're totally right!

James said...

Oh tell us more about blogging wars that sounds very interesting.

As for the whole living life behind a front, I wonder if I do that a lot. But doesn't everybody really. It surprises me how open people can be on their blogs. I still blog relatively anonymously, maybe it's a British thing.

lspoon said...

Yes for the love! Truce! I want all the happy posting and commenting to come back!

Maxie said...

I'm kind of fond of conflict and all, but I guess it's time for blogging world to go back to being happy and such.

To quote one of my favorite movies:
Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

Deutlich said...

It... still befuddles me that things got so out of hand that we can even use the term "blogging wars."

MrsTwink said...

blogging wars? Huh? What happened??

I'm with you. I love blogging and I understand that everyone can see it (so I do actually edit some things that I truly want to write) but as a friend pointed out, blogging is like a community. Its opened me up to many different personalities/lives and I love it. I love that it can generate discussions and whatnot.

It baffles me that there are people who use it as a tool to bash others. I mean, really... what's the point? Do you not have anything better to do than to insult strangers?

MrsTwink said...

blogging wars? Huh? What happened??

I'm with you. I love blogging and I understand that everyone can see it (so I do actually edit some things that I truly want to write) but as a friend pointed out, blogging is like a community. Its opened me up to many different personalities/lives and I love it. I love that it can generate discussions and whatnot.

It baffles me that there are people who use it as a tool to bash others. I mean, really... what's the point? Do you not have anything better to do than to insult strangers?

Le Petit Chic said...

I'm in the dark about the blogging wars too. I'm beginning to think that maybe that's a good thing?? Eek.

the fanny said...

Yeah, I am SO OVER this high school nonsense of blog fighting. Really, it's just too much.

Nilsa S. said...

Yeah, what's up with this blogging wars? Have I been hiding in my isolated little world? Do tell!

In any case, I completely agree that the blog has allowed me to learn more about myself and fellow humankind (and not so kind) than I ever would have without it. Cheers to that!

Valerie said...

The wars are making me sad. IRL, when I see people break out in fisticuffs (I love that expression!), I literally run in the other direction. Since this is all "virtual," I can't very well do any "running." :(

Andrea said...

Ok... do I live in a box? What is a blogging war?

ChasingParadise said...

I honestly could not believe the nonsense that came out of the blogging wars. It turned me off to the point that I was like, "ya know, it's not even worth it." I'm glad it's pretty much over...and I wasn't even involved! Geez.

But on to your post... I think we all hid behind perfectly crafted images. I, too, was the "perfect child" with perfect grades who never got into trouble and never broke the rules. Then it was a bit of a wild child who broke every rule, stayed out way too late, partied a little too hard. From there, I morphed into "responsible young adult" with a career and responsibilities that couldn't be shirked. These days I'm all about just being ME. Whether it means a crazy night out or a tame night in, who cares what anyone thinks? The only person in this life I have to make happy is myself!

pbandrazz said...

i totally get what you mean about hiding behind your work or your homework or whatever it may be. it's easy to hide emotions under the guise that you are too busy, too stressed, to deal with it. same thing with me being a control freak/neat freak. just displaced emotions (i recognize this, just need to do something about it).

as for the warring, i don't get it. we don't all have to be nice to each other, but there's no reason to go on insulting people either.

Nic said...

I'm so lucky I'm in the dark about the blog wars. I don't have time for that crap.

I do, however, have time for shoe shopping.

Lacey Bean said...

So out of the loop with the blogging wars... and I'm glad about it! But it should end anyway. :)

Trish Ryan said...

Okay, I guess I missed the whole blog wars thing? But you're right--the hiding behind a pre-constructed image just doesn't work so well as we grow up. I wonder if that's partly because our friendships are more optional--we're not just roommates or people who go to college together. If no one opens up, there's not much to bond over.

Courtney said...

Hey Michelle,

I just recently started reading your blog and I love it! You're funny and you don't hold back. Your most recent post describes me as well. Blogging is new for me and it can be pretty damn scary when you put yourself out there for just anyone to read. Keep it up. I like your style.

Princess Pointful said...

Yes, please, on the truce.
(I know you must feel pretty damn in the middle on this one)

Virginia said...

Blogging wars? I feel naive. Whatever it, I'm glad there is a truce. There shouldn't be fights over BLOGS, for goodness sake.

heidikins said...

I totally agree with you on blogging as a means to open myself up; to the internet and to the "real world" (afterall, we all could use a practice run).

But what is the blogging war thing? I've heard about it several times and have no idea what anyone is talking about...

xox

Surfergrrl said...

not sure what the blog war is, but anyway, I feel more comfortable sometimes putting it out there for strangers than I do close friends. For me and what I'm going through, when I write...people can read it or not read it...it's their choice. When I talk to my friends...I sometimes think they get sick of me talking.

Yoda said...

Huh?? Who were you fighting with?

Were claws involved? Did someone's hair get pulled? Scratches? Bitch slapping?

I'm all for those.

thestoryofagirl said...

It's so annoying, that whole blogging war thing.

Images are so easy to hide behind, and so hard to break out of. But you know that... I wish I had 1/2 of your overachiever attitude.

Hiya, I'm Kristie. said...

Blogging wars? Do tell, I'm not in the cool crowd so I don't know who's warring about what. Is warring even a word?

I sort of put myself out there on my blog, but not really. I've always had a hard time letting my true feelings come through.

DG said...

So obviously I'm like, right in the middle of this post and I have to tell you and everyone else that the blogging war was SO not where I ever expected my blog to go. I wouldn't say that if it weren't true.

I guess it comes down to the fact that yes, when you blog you fully put yourself out there. You open up about your fears, your anxieties, your good days and your shitty days. The fact that opening up about my life could also mean getting some pretty nasty comments honestly, hardly ever crossed my mind.

So I was really floored when it all came out that day. And yes, I was hurt. Some may think that means the comment was rooted in truth but I don't look at it that way. I was hurt because I was berated on things that really mean a lot to me - my boyfriend, my relationship, MY life.

I also want to add that I'm not proud of the way I reacted - in hindsight, I should probably have just moved on and from now on I have learned to. Like I said on my blog, I am a nice person - and not ashamed of that. I don't think it lessens my character in the least so I will continue to be exactly who I am, and that includes writing the way I write.

The "blogging war" on my blog is officially over. I've learned an important lesson and now I am happy to say I have moved on. Thanks hon (and sorry for the LONGEST COMMENT EVER!)

Carrie said...

Blogging war? Where? Whom? Why? What?

Blogging is so personal, so intimate... yet we can all hide behind our screens and say as little or as much as we wish. It's a stranger little world we've created for ourselves, isn't it?

Truce!

ana said...

I don't know, I think both the parties need to stay the hell away from one another. It was definitely not right, not gray even... if anything it was close to ridiculous.
"truce" sounds nice...

Vanessa said...

I'm a little confused on the blogging wars, but I like your blog. I appreciate the honesty and like you, sometimes feel exposed and wrestle with how much of myself I want to put out there for everyone to see.

Katelin said...

I don't really know the whole gist of it, but I agree, a truce needs to be made. This is blogging. And I'm right there with you, I'm very exposed on my blog and I'm okay with that, everyone else should too.

Kenzie! said...

I haven't witnessed any actualy blogging wars, but a lot of people have been talking about them.
So defintely agreed. They need to stop. Hopefully I never find myself in one.

Angela said...

Just *hugs*!

And I happen to think that you're pretty great, so thanks for giving us the chance to "know" you.

1218Blog said...

Blog War?! I think it's fair to say lots of us are out of the loop on that.

Good for you for putting yourself out there and getting to know who you are, even if it is in this strange way with strangers.

I truly believe that is what your 20s are for.

1218Blog said...

By the way there is enough War in the world not here too! Let there be Peace.

thegirlfromtheghetto said...

For some people, an image is all they have. I find it liberating to be myself and be a little more open than most people.

Jess said...

I think you're exactly right that exposure is the reason why blogging wars make no sense. A truce seems like a very good idea.

L Sass said...

I think I missed the blogging wars... I'm pretty glad I did!!!

But I definitely think we should all get along. For realz.

Passionista said...

Exposed is right! I'm constantly going back and forth between staying anonymous and using my real identity. Until then, it's easier to hide vehind something...

JMC said...

Um, okay, I think I missed something. Blogging wars? What blogging wars? Where? When? Why? How do people keep up with this? It seems I'm always AT LEAST a few days behind, and then I don't know what people are talking about. Got to get my head out of the sand.

Michele - If you stop by to comment, enlighten me, please. Thanks. :)

JMC said...

Sorry, my "L" key sticks. There should be 2 there in your name. But you know that.

pinksundrops said...

Wow, quite the blog drama! It's so great that you feel that way about blogging! I have a hard time holding the balance between putting EVERYthing out there and only enough that I'm still real without showing all the deep, dark corners of my mind : ) .

Ashley said...

I have hid behind a lot too. I think life can be viewed easier that way.

I have opened up a lot on my blog, until I found out my sister reads it. Oh well, she may not like some of the stuff she reads.

Lara said...

um, forgive me for being stupid and (apparently) behind the times, but what are these "blogging wars" that i've seen mentioned on multiple blogs? me = confused.