No matter how busy I keep myself, how many friends I surround myself with, lately I feel like there's something missing. I can't shake the feeling, but I don't quite know how to fix it either.
I have met some amazing people this summer. Friends I know will stick around for quite awhile. They fill my nights with social functions, volleyball, dinners, happy hours, parties. My smiles in our photographs aren't fake. Rather, fleeting.
I'm turning down guys for absurd reasons; i.e. he's too young (25), too tall (6'3") and the latest (he hasn't dated enough). My friends are convinced they're excuses. That I don't want to date.
Maybe they're right. But I'm honestly not sure.
Have you ever felt lost? Not unhappy, just unsure what path you're supposed to take next. Right now I'm at a fork in the road, just staring straight ahead.
And I wish I could jump on a plane, look down and see which path has the happier ending...
Monday, October 6, 2008
Say What You Need To Say
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Well, I think a lot of your feelings will work out on their own. You are just going through a tough time. Enjoy the time you have with friends. Someday you will probably wish you had more time like that.
Sounds like this is the time when you are supposed to live in the moment...don't worry about which path is "better," just trust yourself and trust the universe and trust that whatever path you take, you will *make* it the best path for you. Hang in there...!
i think we have all been in that phase before. i say just listen to your heart, your emotions and your friends and you'll definitely figure it out.
you literally have summed up how i feel at present as well.
I quite often feel a bit like this, I reckon you should try out some new things, even if it's as simle as drinking in some new bars or hanging out with new people. I wouldn't worry about turning guys down either, someone will probably come along when you're least expecting it...especially if you do seize the day and start trying out new things
Hi Love! Seems like maybe you're scared. (I know it sounds crazy) But maybe you're not happy because you're afraid. There are always paths in everyday life, what you choose leads you to the next, etc. And going down these paths, whether they lead to heartache or true happiness is the "growing" up process. And maybe you are being absurd because you already have in mind what you want, you're just scared to voice it.
I know exactly how you feel.
Uh. Yes. Crystal ball please. :)
As a late twenty something, I went through many phases where I wanted very little to do with dating. It can be exasperating and energy sapping and it's not something you have to do all the time just because you're single. As I was about to go into another one of my alone stretches in my early thirties, I wound up meeting the man I would marry. So, I say there's nothing wrong with taking breaks from time to time. Focus on yourself - you deserve it.
Have you read the book, "The Year of Yes"? It's so cute and it's a true story of a woman who went out with every man who asked her for an entire year. You need to read it.
You can't be afraid to be happy. You deserve happy! You just need to have fun with it!
My husband is 6'4" and I am 5'2". No such thing as too tall. :)
If you're making excuses, there's a reason. It's just not time, and that's OK. You'll get there. :)
Maybe what you need is to stop worrying about paths and "right choices" and just live in the moment. Don't pressure yourself. There's a reason for those excuses...maybe you're just not ready. Maybe you just need YOU right now. Either way, you'll work it out. Have faith in yourself!
Sometimes I do wish I could see how everything would play out, but mostly I like the part where it all unfolds. There's nothing wrong with just being here and now and not knowing the reason for everything you do, but still doing it because you can tell that's what you want or need.
Hasn't dated enough? Weak excuse I say! I'm marrying a man who had dated only two or three girls before we met.
That said, I do believe you should take your time before getting into a relationship. When you're ready to meet someone, you'll know. Maybe that person will simply walk into your life - you'll know.
Cracking up over "too tall."
I'm 5'1" so EVERYONE is too tall for me. :)
Seriously, though - choosing a path is hard, right? What if you choose one path and that ends up not being as cool as it looked? What if you're disinterested with that path after a few miles?
I'm married, but my career is more scary to me than picking out a husband. :) Ha.
I think you're too young to be worrying about forks in the road. To hell with it, pick a lane and sprint down it. If it goes tits up, then you've learnt something new. If it doesn't go wrong, then it's a result.
Sometimes picking the wrong road helps you see the right one.
Aww, as someone already said, if you're making excuses, there's a reason behind the excuse. When my long term bf and I broke up for good in March (3.5 years long), I was basically handed the perfect relationship and stalled my way into because I just wasn't ready. And I can't pin point when I was, but I'm so lucky he was patient enough to wait until I was ready. You'll know!
(6'3" too tall?! How tall are you?!)
I don't think it is a bad thing if you don't want to date. I don't - I'd rather just be happy by myself right now. If Mr. Right comes along during this period, I'm sure I'll know it and change my mind.
I totally feel lost right now, but I guess I'd rather find my way by myself, and then find the guy, than need a guy around to help me find my way...
There were times in my life when I definitely wished it was that easy to see which path was the best. But then you miss out on all the fun of figuring it out.
Thanks for describing exactly how I feel right now, when I couldn't put it into words. Not NOT happy, just not particularly happy? The "my smiles aren't fake. Rather, fleeting." sums it up quite nicely. Unfortunately, I have no answers...
I know how you feel sooo so well. I bounce back and forth between this exact feeling and content. I spend way too much time though in this sort of limbo. I don't know what to tell you but I think this is completely normal for our twenties.
Oh totally. For me it is always hard not really knowing WHAT is bothering me or where my life is headed.
I hope you have some clarity soon!
I hear you. I've often found that sometimes, it's best to not focus so much on which choice is "right" and which is "wrong" and just let things happen. Sometimes if you give a feeling or a situation some time, it'll resolve itself. I know, easier said than done.
Honestly, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date for a little while. I went through a period where I felt it was best to get my own life together before adding someone else to the mix, and I think I emerged a better person because of it. Hang in there :)
-Jacqueline
Hey! Watch the tallist comments. I'm very offended (and 6'4")! =-)
I think everyone feels that way from time to time, Michelle. The clarity will come before you know it.
I hear you. I am at a fork too, but not a dating one, a life one. I feel like I am just floundering here in the midst of my life. There HAS to be something more.
Something that I have always told my single friends is that you have an excuse when it isn't right. When it is right, it doesn't matter if the person is not what you expected or thought you wanted. Gah. I feel you.
I especially agree with the last comment by "girl from pennsylvania" in that this sense of being at a crossroads can apply to life in general. I definitely feel as though I MUST be in some kind of intermission from life, because although alot has happened in the last year or so (new city, new friends, new university and so close to starting my career) -- I feel very "blah" and that there has to be something missing, this can't possibly be all there is...!
And I hear you about turning guys down for seemingly small reasons (in hindsight, I still wonder whether I made the right choice to end it with someone who was great on paper...) - you're following your gut, and I think there's no better way to make a choice about who to date. :)
yep, I am standing with you at the fork...
I think that my future will be like a Sienfield episode of dating...
man hands, breathes too heavy, snorts when laughing...etc.
I think the theme of my 20s has been "Lost." Re-opened my blog by invite-only. Let me know if you want an invite: valley_girl71@yahoo.com.
Sometimes I think I feel more lost every day. Guess it all depends on what we're looking for.
And, lovey? Not wanting to date? That's okay too.
I think this is something us "twenty-somethings" tend to go through. And we usually all go through it at the same time so we never have any good advice for our friends =)
BTW, if you find that plane that shows the happy ending, please let me know!
Remember - Happy is in your head, not in the things/people around you!
Yup, been there. Still AM there, in many ways. So I have no answers. But I can empathize with how frustrating that can be!
I've been there way too many times. It's even harder when you don't know what is down either path. Good luck making a decision.
That is a great song! She has great lyrics that always get me thinking. I love the post!
I just wrote a post about this same topic..well sort of. I've been feeling the same way and I don't know why..for me i think it might be the fact that i've been married for two years etc..and need the next step..but still not ready. I've just been blah.
the way to feeling like you are going somewhere is to pick a way and go with it.
Been there, done that...got the t-shirt on my Island of Denial! Friends are good, dating sucks, but in the end (dating) is a necessary evil.
I feel for ya! I am not one who likes to chance things or just leave everything to fate. If I knew which path to take, I would be all over it! Sometimes it's nice not to date and just do you.
I spent 27-29 making glorious excuses about dating, and basically feeling lost, yet looking back I couldn't have gotten anywhere without going through THAT...I like to refer to THAT as the desert.
Before then I was with a guy I really thought I had a strong, stable life with and that we would live happily ever after. When that ended I was shattered (and didn't look for the pieces right away).
All I can say is explore every opportunity (not necessarily re: dating). Maybe you can dance up the median in that fork in the road... that's the direction you're looking in right? Think Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I think when your in your 20's and you don't feel lost then something is wrong with you. We don't live in an age where we get married and have kids by the time we are 19 or 20. We live in an age that explores all options(work, family,travel, etc.) We have so many options these days it's allmost like hmmm what the hell do I do next. I feel the same way. You just have to keep you head on a swivel and hope you made the right decision :)
Ryan
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