Wednesday, March 25, 2009

To Delete Or Not To Delete, That Is The Question

I bet the creators of Facebook didn't realize their social networking site would be the cause of unnecessary drama in their members' lives. Take for example, the relationship status notifications. Did they think about what havoc they would reek when "Josie Turner is now single" showed up in her ex-boyfriend's news feed? Did they think about Josie a year from then when she signs in only to see the recently posted wedding photos of said ex-boyfriend tagged by every mutual friend in attendance?

Facebook: Increasing America's suicide rate one news feed at a time.

Well, in one day I have dealt with more Facebook drama of my own than I ever thought possible. First, I was deleted as a Facebook friend. It happens to all of us. I myself have even hit that little x removing "friends". You know the ones: that girl from high school who barely spoke two words to you, the guy you casually dated but will never be your BFF, and the girl you used to work with but haven't spoken to since you quit six years ago. But this time was a little bit different. It was someone I had a past with. Someone I was close to for several years. Someone I noticed deleted me.

Then, I get an email from a friend of mine asking me to delete her ex-boyfriend as a friend. Dilemma. I met them at the same time, together at a friend's party last fall. I would consider them both friends of mine. I see her more often because she comes to our girls' nights out on occasion. I haven't heard much about their reasons for breaking up, as it only happened recently. But I do know they've had their problems and this wasn't an out of the blue decision. The more I think about it, maybe it is closure for her. Cleansing him out of her life, and the lives of her friends. I suppose if that happened to me I would pose the question, "Where MY girls at?" (yes, that was a throwback to the 702 song).

And just this evening I saw a picture that made my stomach turn. An arm around a shoulder. Two smiles. Faces touching. Pure torture. Facebook, sometimes I hate you.

What immature problems I'm having. I swear, I'm 26.

32 comments:

nicoleantoinette said...

I hear ya. I seriously wanted to murder the creators of Facebook after my bad breakup.

heidikins said...

I love/hate Facebook...I just noticed that a friend of mine--who I just happened to date for 5 minutes--deleted me as a friend. And the fact that I noticed kind of bothers me. Sigh.

xox

michellewoo said...

I took a big step away from Facebook ever since my DAD started following me. I know you can adjust your privacy settings and whatnot, but geeeeez, so much effort.

rachel said...

hmmmm. i haven't run into some of these situations yet, but it's mainly because i've been engaged or married since i've had a facebook (ducks from smack from single girls) :-)

But I've seen my sis deal with it and others and it can be SO painful. If I wans't married I don't know if I"d even "note" that I was in a relationship just to save myself from all that CRAP.

:-\

SoMi's Nilsa said...

And it's reasons like this that make me so glad I'm a late comer to Facebook. No ex boyfriends. No awkwardness. Though, I will say that I'm still FB friends with a dear friend's ex-wife to make sure she's doing right by their son. And it's sometimes strange forwarding pictures to my friend with his son, his ex-wife and her new (icky-looking) boyfriend. I guess, now that I think about it, even at 35, it's sometimes hard to avoid the drama. =)

Maxie said...

I just don't look at my ex's profile anymore. you can remove certain people from your feed too. It helps out.

j*amy said...

i've dealt with those issues too. that's why i got rid of the relationship status notification when i had a feeling my relationship wasn't in for the best 2 years ago. i also was hesitant for a while to put any pictures of the new guy up [last year] when it seemed so new/fresh...oh facebook...

nancypearlwannabe said...

Yeah, Facebook is great for the drama. Sorry about the picture though- it's too bad it's on the computer and you can't even rip it up!

3carnations said...

I'll add this to the reasons I haven't joined Facebook.

Deutlich said...

Sometimes, facebook is just PURE EVIL

Jess said...

That's a tough decision. Facebook is a double-edged sword.

theselittlemoments said...

I have such a love/hate relationship with the Book for just that reason.

Passionista said...

That just makes you normal! I leave as little info as I can on FB and refuse to put a relationship status, if you really know me than you know what it is.

Lynnsey said...

I went through Facebook Hell too! I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and facebook just made everything awful! He even posted this novel about everything he hated about me...it was so hurtful and humiliating. I finally just deleted my facebook account and have been happier ever since! You will keep in touch with the people that really mean something to you without facebook anyway.

k said...

I caught my exboyfriend (as in he was my ex when it happened but we were still in a tangled web) in a lie when he has tagged in a picture of facebook. I deleted him right then and there (and he noticed right away). Funniest part about it was that we had both been so adament against facebook and had just joined weeks earlier. This was probably why...

Katie said...

Facebook, generally speaking, can really screw with your relationship. I've had boyfriends who've announced to me that they were no longer interested in dating me via facebook by changing their relationship status. I've had boyfriends who've announced that they had someone waiting in the wings by making it facebook official with someone almost immediately after breaking up with me. I've had to deal with my boyfriends' ex-girlfriends posting flirtatious comments all over boyfriends' facebook when their own facebook official relationships suddenly degenerate into "it's complicated" or "single." Facebook is, in short, a great way for people to play out their stupidest and worst impulses on a very public stage, in a way that before you could avoid simply by avoiding certain places or people in your daily life. That being said, I like facebook for enough other reasons that I'm willing to ignore all of the above, and to be honest, as you get older, facebook gets a lot more boring and a lot less dramatic anyhow.

About your friend's request though: I would never ask another friend to stop being friends with one of my ex-boyfriends, no matter what the reason. I might hope that after divulging certain facts that they would realize such a scumbag isn't worth being friends with, but on the whole, I think it's up to other people to decide what relationships are worth ending and worth salvaging. That's an immature impulse on your friend's behalf that I hope you don't entertain.

Janet said...

Sigh. I just went through something like this a few days ago...you think YOU'RE immature? I made my boyfriend of THREE WEEKS delete his most recent ex-girlfriend as his friend. In my defense, the girl had written to him recently all upset after she saw tagged pictures of HIM with HIS arms around MY shoulders, and it bothered me that she still cares about him, particularly because I'm jealous and/or feel threatened by what they had. But still...when I made him delete her and I caught him stifling his laughter at what he thought was immaturity and over-reacting on my part, I felt pretty damned stupid.

willtherebecake said...

Dude, I am SO GLAD Facebook wasn't around when I was dating. Pure torture. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

Mary Way said...

A few years ago, after me and my boyfriend broke up, we decided we would stay friends, and that we would tell each other if we started dating again so not to have to find out from others. We were on pretty good terms. At that point, I had fb but he didn't. Anyways, he eventually got it, and a few months later, one day it popped out in my feed that he was in a relationship. It was worst than finding out from a friend; I also saw that a morning right before an exam. Great timing.

ella everywhere said...

Hi Michelle, I came across your blog via 20sb and I have to tell you, this post is genius! I'm convinced facebook ruins relationships (I think it was the beginning of the end of my 4 year relationship) and I know exactly how you feel about new photos of the ex and someone new popping up. Its torture.

Katelin said...

yeah facebook makes me the worst (and best) stalker around. it's ridiculous and i can't help it!

Paula said...

I totally agree with your points here, but on the upside I have recently became re-acquainted with a guy i WORSHIPPED in high school thanks to facebook and that can only be a good thing! :)

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

FB is my sweetest mistake. so good yet so bad all at once.

notyourplainjane said...

I know how you feel on FB. It's all the things I want to see and don't want to see. I am not strong enough to resist the temptation of the mini stalk.

DELETE if it makes you feel better.

K said...

gawd. I stepped way back from both MS and FB due to the whole ex drama. Its just not worth it. I also would rather my life not being so available to people who I choose to not have in my life. If that makes sense.

Vanessa said...

Someone asked you to delete her ex boyfriend even though you met each of them at the same time? This smacks of 3rd grade drama. She should be apologizing for putting you in the middle of it.

Hope said...

Facebook is the devil. The DEVIL.

But I love it regardless. ;)

Phil said...

I really hate how much facebook notifies you of things, which is why my profile is incredibly minimal (minimal info, apps, etc.). Until you posted this, though, I didn't realize how great it is to have a partner who loathes social networks and therefore never uses them. It makes things SO much easier.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Facebook is like virtual high school all over again...

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

I was FB-deleted by a girl from my past. It was the first inkling that her and I were not a good terms. Whoops.

graffiti.girl.designs said...

clearly i am behind. but your baaaaaack!!!! and yes facebook is drama central - so annoying, but still purely addicting.

Surfergrrl said...

oooh, facebook! How I love thee and hate thee at the same time. I especially love the photos you get to see of parties you weren't invited to. Those are my favorite. :(