Thursday, March 27, 2008

Invisible Spider? No, Invincible.

Scene: Leaving Clancy's last night, walking towards the front door.

[both of us see a spider at the same time on the glass window of the front door, and glance at each other. each knowing the other is afraid of it.]

Michelle: Don't look at me, I'm not killing it!

Clancy: [does the manly thing even though he hates spiders and attempts to kill it with a shoe from the closet]

[spider falls to the ground, dead]

Michelle: Did you get it, did you get it?!

Clancy: Yeah, I think so.

[we both look down, spider scurries across floor]

Michelle: He's not dead! [begins stepping on it with the shoes on her feet]

[after each squishing attempt, we look at spider and watch for any sign of life. spider waits until we look away and begins, rather slowly, trying to escape. again]

Clancy: He must be sneaking into the spaces where the tread on your shoe is.

Michelle: [lifts leg and turns foot over to inspect tread on shoe. no tread exists.]

[puzzled looks pass between us]

Michelle: Seriously?! This spider is invisible.

Clancy: I think you mean invincible honey. Because if he was invisible, he would be damn near impossible to kill.

Michelle: [giggles embarrassingly] OK, let's just kill the damn thing.

Clancy: [grabs extra piece of wood trim from closet, bludgeons the spider to pieces]

Michelle: [inspecting the spider parts on ground] Very convincing spider, but you don't fool me!

[pretty sure spider is dead, but will check back tomorrow]

39 comments:

Annie said...

When I was in high school my brother developed the "Catch and Release" attitude towards anything living in our house besides our parents and siblings. If I shrieked because of a spider, he was there in .023 seconds with a glass and piece of paper for catch and release before I could even find a shoe to kill the guy!

Jess said...

Ewwwww. Torsten and I both hate bugs too, but I can shriek louder, so he usually winds up killing them. Ugh. Shudder. Gross.

pessimisticredhead said...

Oh, thanks for causing my gag reflex to kick in :)

the fanny said...

EW ew ew ew EW I hate spiders. The ability to kill a spider is the only reason I miss living with my ex. EW. GROSS. EW.

poodlegoose said...

Love it. You captured the "did you get it?! did you get it?!" part of the girl's down. matthew likes to release bugs, but when it comes to spiders, they're gone. Well, waved in my face first, and then gone.

MrsTwink said...

When I was little, I used to kill spiders by spraying them to death with air freshener.

Rebecca said...

I loath bugs. Thankfully, husband is pretty good at dealing with them. Now, if we could just get rid of the mice...

brookem said...

Holy hell... (((shudders)))... eek.
Hope that beast is dead!

Deutlich said...

I always think of my grandmother in situations like this - she HATES spiders and freeeeeeeaks out when she sees 'em.

cady said...

haha..joe and i both hate spiders too. i scream while he kills them with shoes or whatever else we have nearby. :)

L Sass said...

Maybe the spider is both invisible AND invincible! Either way, hope it's dead now!

3carnations said...

Wow. That spider was no match for the two of you...well, for a while he was, but not anymore. :-)

Princess Pointful said...

I am a total arachniphobe. Which is so ridiculous, really, because something so tiny can do me no harm... but is so damn scary.

Nilsa S. said...

Aren't couples supposed to balance each other out? One person's weakness balanced by the other person's strength? Oh dear. hahaha.

lspoon said...

Yes, I'm the bug killer in my relationship...and bugs terrify me. But what terrifies me more are the girlish screams that come from my husband when he sees any kind of bug. :)

ChasingParadise said...

EEeeew! I seriously SERIOUSLY hate despite loathe detest spiders. yuck yuck yuck. so much so, that I won't even get near enough to kill it with the shoe on my foot. May I make a most excellent suggestion? Vaccuum those suckers up with the attachment on any regular vaccuum. That way, there's at least a foot long space between YOU and IT. hahahha. I can't believe I just typed this out for all the internets to read.

Le Petit Chic said...

I almost didn't go to U of Richmond because our mascot is the spider. And I hate spiders. I make Jon handle all of the creepy crawlers in our house!

Katelin said...

man i hate spiders too, that would so be me, haha.

Kim said...

Too funny! I totally had a moment like that a couple of *years* ago. My roomie has yet to let me live it down though. I meant to say "If it's any consolation" but instead it came out as "If it's any constellation". Ugh. In my defense I had been drinking.

Julie said...

Eww I get the creepys just thinking about that!

Wendy said...

I'd be careful if I was you, the spider's family may be coming, looking for revenge.

Kt said...

Thats in my boyfriend requirements: Must kill spiders, no exceptions!

"bludgeons".....good word...I don't use that enough....

puremotif said...

LOL! this was cute

puremotif said...

LOL! this was cute

Christa said...

hahaha. so funny.

i had a roommate who would spray the spiders to death with hair spray - so then there would just be a dead spider preserved in a sticky mess - grossness.

Larissa said...

At least Clancy manned-up up tried to make the first move.

1218Blog said...

Spiders give me the willies! But I try not to kill them because they eat the other bugs.

stilettoheights said...

scariest story ever!!

j*amy said...

eww i hate spiders. i woke up with one huge, juicy one staring me in the face in my top bunk at a retreat. i got my youth leader at the time [oh, yeah, i was a leader too] to get a shoe and kill it. i was very happy.

but not when i woke up and saw him sitting there again on the window, same place as before. i woke her up again.

:)

the last guy i dated hated spiders as well, and wouldnt kill them. so, i've gotten a little better...with the little ones...but the big juicy ugly ones i just cant kill! and they are the WORST! [sometimes i try to talk to them, convince them they should leave...doesn't usually work, and i yell for daddy :)]

ashley said...

That's fantastically hilarious. I love it.

And Clancy is such a cute name.

cdp said...

I love this. Easily could've been a conversation between me and Mark. We're always on each other's case about vocabulary words. Oh, and I will kill spiders; but I had a mouse once, and I called Mark and made him DRIVE OVER TO MY HOUSE because I was so wigged out. Yes, hello, I am a giant wuss.

Love you! Have a great weekend!

ana said...

As hilarious as this was, I think I must dig into your archive and connect the missing link.

I hate spiders, bugs in general. Ewww!

Allie said...

Oh, I can't deal with spiders! I hate them. I try to be rational about it, but I can't.

So@24 said...

I would have let it go. That crafty spider earned his freedom.

Ashley said...

Ewww...I hate bugs/spiders. They are gross.

I always wonder what spiders are thinking when we always kill them even though they really are doing nothing wrong...hmm?!?!

JMC said...

Oh, I hate spiders too. I dread that time of year that we always become infested with those huge brown and black furry ones.

thestoryofagirl said...

Hehe. My two biggest fears are of snakes and spiders. My boyfriend totally kills them for me, the brave manly man. :-) Reason 1,079,299 to keep him around. :-)

This really make me laugh though. How do they do that sometimes?! Escape being killed. It's insane.

James said...

I have no fear of spiders, which comes in handy sometimes. I used to live with a rather pretty girl who was petrified of spiders. I would often hear screams and subsequently requests for my heroics to come and deal with the situation.

It made me feel all manly.

Are You Willing to Change? said...

Yuck! I can't stand spiders!