Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Guilt-Free Affairs Revisited

Awhile ago I posted my Guilt-Free Affairs list. Five male celebrities that if opportunity arises I can bed without fear of consequence from my significant other.

However, last night conversation on the topic sparked an interesting debate. With names like Jessica Alba/Jude Law thrown around you might think twice before letting your boyfriend/girlfriend pick the celebrities on their own. I mean - damn, they're hot(t). Sure, they probably will never have a chance in hell getting naked with anyone on their list, but instinct kicks in to protect what's yours even when there is little threat. Without further ado, the "acceptable" five.

  1. COURTNEY LOVE
    This woman is a hot mess. She probably wouldn't be able to stay sober long enough for anything to happen. Cigarette in one hand, a fifth in the other; her hands will be too preoccupied.



  2. ROSIE O'DONNELL
    Considering she would prefer not to touch the male gender in that way, she's a pretty safe choice. Right?



  3. ANN COULTER
    Sure she's pretty decent looking, but would you be able to keep her from bashing the democratic party long enough to have any fun in bed?



  4. JOAN RIVERS
    I feel a little guilty for putting her on the list. Maybe.



  5. HILLARY DUFF
    OK, I'm throwing a bone on this one. There should be at least ONE hottie on the list to be fair. Might as well be her. Just for you ;)


I might rethink this idea when my "acceptable" five are chosen. I mean, James Belushi? That's just not right...

Upcoming post: my female celeb crushes.

38 comments:

Andrea said...

That is SO funny! Joan Rivers... I mean really. Ewww! :D

midnite99 said...

Heh. Nice list. I hope things are going well! And as for female celeb crushes...I don't know if I have any per se, but I totally want to be CJ Cregg from West Wing when I grow up. Does that count?

Clink said...

Ann Coulter makes me shudder involuntarily every time I see her.

Same goes for Joan.

tshirtandjeans said...

Rosie has had sex with a man in the past. But considering she's happily married, I'd say she's still safe.

ChasingParadise said...

Aww, Hilary Duff is so cute!

But jesus god I can't stand Ann Coulter. I really want to slap the shit out of her like 100% of the time!

Damsel in Digress said...

that is a fierce picture of hillary duff! i can't believe you included joan rivers and rosie o'donnell. hahahaha! there are too many gross male celebs/male-famous-people-who-have-no-business-being-famous that could be used in retaliation ... like SPENCER (the hills) or michael jackson. OR ANDY DICK.

Jamie Lovely said...

HAHA this is hilarious.

Hilary is very pretty though. It was nice giving him ONE cute girl!

Damsel is right. Spencer! or maybe Steve-O! Yuck.

DG said...

Hilary Duff is a good "acceptable" hottie. Because she also seems kinda innocent and I don't think it would be all that "fun". Great list!

Jess said...

Ann Coulter is so scary. She tries to give off this vibe like if you were to get her alone in the bedroom, she'd secretly be a great lay, but in reality? I don't think so.

valediction said...

hilarious! and that pic of hillary duff seems unusually sultry - further supporting your point!

ashley said...

This is great. I'm playing this game tonight with S. I can't wait. Nice choices by the way.

Hiya, I'm Kristie. said...

Dude, that's totally awesome! I laughed outloud.

Miriam D said...

Hahaha. Ann Coulter had me laughing.

Virginia said...

Hahaha! You're so right, no one would want to hook up with these ladies (as nice as I'm sure they are). Except maaaybe Hillary Duff. Even then, if it was me, I wouldn't be able to think of her as anything other than Lizzie McGuire.

A Margarita said...

Haha, you're sly! The Duffster is saving herself for marriage!

lspoon said...

Oy Joan Rivers gives me nightmares.

ttcmb said...

This is hilarious. Although Ann Coulter is just a little cruel. The person would have to listen to her talk!

Nilsa S. said...

This list is hilarious. I think I'd add Queen Latifah (big girls deserve love, too) and Betty White (no age discrimination here). hahaha.

nicoleantoinette said...

Nah girl, you gotta watch out for Ann Coulter. That bitch is c-r-a-z-y.

pbandrazz said...

Joan Rivers is a hot mess. I saw her a few years ago and she looked permanently windblown.

Katelin said...

Haha, well I'm glad you threw Hilary in there so they all weren't horrible.

Deutlich said...

Thoughts:

Woah - Courtney doesn't look half bad in that picture. Weird.

hahaha... Oh, Rosie.

Coultergeist? That bitch needs to fall of a cliff. Now.

HOLY SHIT it's a mannequin.. oh.. no.. that was Joan.

Can't handle her music or perfume, but her persona seems fairly acceptable (Hillary)

L Sass said...

I predict that AS would punch Ann Coulter in the face within 3 minutes of the beginning of their romantic encounter!

PrincessPolly said...

That picture of Hillary is pretty nice, I don't think i'd trust my guy with her. Especially since he PREFERS brunettes . . . :(

Angela said...

Hilary Duff is so hot with brown hair!

Julie said...

Ugh.
Ann Coulter is so heinous.

I loathe her.

:)
But I love that you included Hillary Duff!

1218Blog said...

Great List!! Rosie O, good choice. No chance of her putting out. LOL!

thestoryofagirl said...

We have our own 'loud neighbors'. But they're not that loud. I can think it's funny when I'm not trying to get some, but if I am? SHUT UP! YOU HAD YOUR TURN. ;-)

ana said...

I hate courtney love, like HATE HER HATE HER.
Of course if you knew about my love for Cobain it'd make more sense.

And Ann Coulter is the one you can call a big mess, a monstrous waste of matter.

Maxie said...

ewwwwwwwww Ann Coulter... gross!

k said...

nothin's freakier looking than joan rivers!!!

Libby said...

i was all, 'something's gotta give!' until you put up hilary. hehe

MrsTwink said...

Haha! Brilliant post. Now you've got me thinking who my safe 5 might be...

Yoda said...

The other chicks I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole. Ann Coulter? Let's suffice to say that if we are the only two people left on Earth, I would kill her.

mcgee said...

hahaha love this. safe 5 huh? i got some thinking to do now...haha...

fort knocks said...

ooh, I don't know. Angry sex with Ann Coulter might be just the thing. And when Hilary Duff got suddenlyhot, she got suddenlyreallyhot. I think you might have left too many outs.

Passionista said...

That's a very safe list!

Princess Pointful said...

Haha!!! This post was hysterical!
Ann Coulter would probably leave any guy battered and broken...