Sunday, November 4, 2007

A Box Full Of Memories

I carried out the last box, and looked around the dark garage full of everything that is now "mine". Wow, this is really happening. So much sadness swept over me at that moment, it was paralyzing. My elbow is still throbbing from my fall earlier. Surely I'll be able to see evidence on my right cheek later as well. But that physical pain doesn't even compare to what's happening to my heart.

I wandered back inside and gathered together a few more things that were lying around. Glanced over to the mantle where our cards were displayed. Big mistake. I sat on the couch and lost it. I couldn't help it. It had been days since I had cried like that, but nothing could stop it. "I love you soooo much" "You're it". Rereading his words again and again. Pure torture. My mom put her arm around me and told me "One day someone will say those words to you again. I promise. You'll find him."

I'm trying to be strong. This has been the longest we've ever went without speaking since the day we met. And there's a chance we may never speak again. I wish this wasn't how it had to end.

24 comments:

thecasualperfectionist.com said...

There may never be a "good" way for things to end. Luckily, you have time on your side...just think of all the time you've already put into this. You're just *this much closer* to getting through this.

And, you fell? Did I miss something in a post somewhere? I hope you're okay!

Slightly Disorganized said...

beautiful.

brandy said...

I'm with your mom. Although what you are going through is heartbreaking, mom's are by far the smartest people on the planet and if she says it's going to get better- it will. It may be hard to believe right now, it may be impossible to imagine, but it will get better. And you will find someone who gives you what you had and even more.

distracted spunk said...

Just speaking from experience, paths always have a way of crossing again. Sometimes you want them to, sometimes you don't. Either way, it's hard now, but it WILL get easier.

Miriam said...

Aw sweetie, I'm sorry. It's good though that you're all moved out. It's the beginning of closure :)




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The Lisa Show said...

You ARE strong, Michelle. You're not just trying. You are. The only way out is through.

Lisa said...

this was an INCREDIBLY well written post. wow!

Miss M. said...

I can only imagine how hard that was for you. but things can only go up from here. chin up, you will find love and more again.

cdp said...

Aww, pumpkin. (((hugs))

Katie said...

That must have been so difficult. I agree with your mother - someone will say those words to you and mean it. *hug*

onebigholiday said...

I'm sorry babe. It will get better with time and your mom is right, you will find someone.

Angela said...

You've got a very wise mom. You will hear those words again--and even more important than that, you will FEEL them again.

The tears are only natural--they're a part of the grieving process, but you're really doing just great. Hugs to you!

libby said...

mom knows best. she does.

Peter DeWolf said...

That was well written.

And it does get easier.

Sara said...

I agree with your mom. You will find him or he will find you when you least expect it! *hugs*

rachel said...

Those memories and boxes are so difficult. I know. You are doing what you need to do. You will heal. It will take time - but you will.

I'm so glad your mother was there to be with you.

cp said...

Yikes. Ending relationships are never easy. I'm sorry.

But, down the road, when you meet someone else, you will look back at those cards and laugh because knowing what you have now will only make sense as to why that ended.

Stephanie said...

So tough. Glad your mama was there to support you.

Jess said...

I'm so sorry. I'm glad your mom was there to help. I agree that you will find someone to say those words to you again, and someone who won't change his mind.

I'm sorry about your fall, too. I hope you feel better.

Tina Vaziri said...

Your mom is totally right. I'm sorry you're feeling down, it'll get better.

Gisela said...

memories are the worst... :(

you have spent so much time with one person, it is so difficult to see yourself without them...

But, one day, you will be able to cope with the fact that he isn't in your life anymore the way he was before...it takes time...you will get there

Samantha said...

Totally glad your mom was there. Don't worry, things will get easier soon enough...

Princess Pointful said...

And it will feel twelve billion times better when the right guy says it. I promise.

And, although it is the most painful thing in the world, and I'm sure your heart longs to have any contact with him that you can, distance is really important right now. Seeing him will just open up the wounds. That's why even the cards hurt so bad.

AJ said...

My heart is with you, it really is. I've felt like that. And you do, you will get over it. And you will meet someone who will love you forever. In the meantime, keep your spirits up, and have fun. Keep blogging - we're all happy to listen and support.